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Anxiety: Part Three of a Zillion

In case you missed the first two parts, here’s the link to my Anxiety Page containing the links to each post.

There’s a song on my race playlist that reminds me of what anxiety feels like. If you have anxiety issues, you’ll laugh at how true this is and if you don’t have anxiety issues then maybe the song will give you some empathy for people who do.

But let me clarify before I post the video here. Anxiety is NORMAL. But when it lasts longer than Hugh Heffner and interferes with basic life things like eating, sleeping, working, having fun etc then it’s a problem. People with anxiety disorders feel like this all. day. long.

I know, right? Ha ha! So true. And then people tell us to relax, to have a bath, to use some essential oils. It’s 3:23am, the entire house is asleep and so is everybody else in the whole wide world. We haven’t eaten a proper meal in 4 days but we can’t feel our hunger past the cortisol pulsing through our veins. Our feet and hands are cold and clammy and there’s a trace of cold sweat along our hairline and between our boobs (if we have boobs).

Did I nail it or what?

But sure. Let’s put on Enya and light some incense and ask Jesus to take it away.

No. Been there, memorized entire scriptures and recited them through tears night after night, year after year, and Jesus didn’t take my anxiety away.

I like Jesus. I’m not holding it against him at all. Because if he took it away, then I wouldn’t be able to help anyone reading this right now. However, I’m still a little hung up on the fact that he doesn’t regularly turn water into wine. I’m not a huge fan of fish, or I’d ask for a double helping of loaves and fishes. But anxiety? I’ve given up.

But I think that’s what we’re supposed to do. Give up. I don’t mean find the nearest bridge over dirty sea water, I’m talking like, let it go. Let it in. The more I fight anxiety, the worse it gets. It’s like trying to rescue someone who is drowning–the fight itself can be their demise.

Anxiety isn’t going to go away, rather, it’s something that we can manage. There will be good days and bad days but overall, we’ll get there. I can’t emphasize this enough though: don’t do it alone. If you’ve hurt somebody, make it right. If you need somebody, let them know. Don’t isolate yourself out of fear, for anxiety will grow bigger in the soil of avoidance. Reach out.

And when we get there, we’ll get there together. Jesus just better be waiting there for us with some wine.

{ 21 comments… add one }
  • Maddie @ Dixie Runs September 21, 2015, 8:29 pm

    Amen praise Jesus hallelujah! Spot on. The only time I’ve ever felt my anxiety really ease it up is when I started talking about it. Except I wouldn’t talk about it to anyone I know bc I didn’t want them to think I was crazy, so I talked to a complete stranger and she made me feel like a normal human being. So yes, talk to Jesus talk to your cat or a stranger or someone you like, but the more you let out the better you will feel!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 21, 2015, 8:43 pm

      YES! I always say that talking about it, saying it out loud detonates it! The anxiety is all ready to blow and then fzzzzz… out it goes.

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe September 22, 2015, 4:24 am

    When people think that anxiety is something that will just go away if I calmed down, I want to tell them, oh, so I can control my dreams? Or say, yeah, like my Crohn’s, if I just eat better I’ll be fine, right? FUCK YOU (not you, I love you).

    And if you tell me that everything happens for a reason, you will get a swift kick to the gonads, wherever they might be on your person.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 12:36 pm

      Oh, I love it when people say stuff like that, as if we have some sort of choice and are CHOOSING to feel insane. And people use the “everything happens for a reason” just so they can sleep at night. They trick themselves into feeling autonomy over their lives. Omg, I just ate the whole later of icing off of half a cake.

  • Gretchen | Gretchruns September 22, 2015, 4:51 am

    I love Enya! I listen to her a lot at work and she keeps me so calm. But like you mentioned, if something is really wrong, nothing is going to help. I find running really helps with that, and I also took a class in tai chi in college. We learned relaxation and meditation techniques that I still use today and it really helps..as crazy as that sounds!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 12:38 pm

      Doesn’t sound crazy at all! My sister was the president of the Tsaoist Tai Chi Society out here in Vancouver so I took one of her classes when I was 19 or 20. I learned the entire progression!

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run September 22, 2015, 5:20 am

    You do a really good job describing what your anxiety feels like to use who do not experience an anxiety disorder.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 12:39 pm

      Thanks! It helps that I can literally feeeeeel the energy in my own body when I write about it.

  • Jamie September 22, 2015, 7:30 am

    I get anxiety thinking about anxiety… Haha. I just try to go with the flow and let go of what I can, so that way when I have a bad day, I can justify with “it’s been 10 days since my last freak out!” Haha.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 12:40 pm

      Oh, me too. I hate even reading up things on anxiety. Somebody will give me an article and be all, oh you should read this! And I’m like, no. Because if I think about it, then I’ll get it and I don’t want it because I’m chill right now. This is probably why I haven’t written any posts on it up until now because I hate thinking about it! But I want to help people.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes September 22, 2015, 9:56 am

    I’m hoping that there’s wine in heaven too. And beer.
    You did an excellent job in describing anxiety. I don’t have it, but I can relate a bit to what you wrote from when I had PMDD. My emotions would just fly out of control and I could not just calm down. I really think that, like you said, acknowledging it and talking about it helped it get better. It was worst when I tried to pretend it didn’t happen and that everything was sunshine and rainbows.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 12:41 pm

      YES! We are only as sick as our secrets. So if our issues are well-hidden then they’re going to grow and then spill out toxicity everywhere. But if we dig them out and shine a light on it then boom. They die.

  • Heather@hungryforbalance September 22, 2015, 10:29 am

    Okay, I had to turn off that song after that a few minutes because it was making me feel anxious.
    Amen to the talking it out. Every time I try to keep it to myself, I just make it worse and then I’m anxious AND pissy.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 12:43 pm

      Isn’t that song hilarious? It’s a great racing song, though. Talking it out helps me so much. But not too much talking, because then I get all focused on it and give it too much power. Just enough to detonate it and then I move forward asap.

  • Allison September 22, 2015, 11:04 am

    Again, not the most anxious person here BUT I can think back to times when I have worried or stressed about something and found myself unable to sleep – this song is totally THAT! LOL!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 12:44 pm

      Oh I know, hey? It’s the skin crawling eyeball bulging head pounding rhythm of being WIDE AWAKE when the whole world is sleeping.

  • helly on the Run September 22, 2015, 7:55 pm

    I missed your first two posts and didn’t know you were battling this. I’m glad you have this outlet and are using it to help others and inform others. You are amazing.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 22, 2015, 9:23 pm

      Oh, I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like a big deal to me anymore but I figured it would be good to talk about so that anyone else who might be in the middle of it all can know that it’s totally manageable!

  • Nikki @ will run for pizza September 23, 2015, 7:17 am

    I love you more and more every time I read one of your posts. I just had to forward your blog to my Hus to read.
    You already know he’s the one with anxiety and bipolar, and I have to admit – I used to be that person who would tell him “just pray about it” or “get over it” or whatever…I realize, NOW, it’s totally different for him. When I went through NAMI’s 12 week family to family class, they put us through an exercise so that we could kind of experience what it’s like inside the brain of a mentally ill person, and WOW! It was enough to make me want to scream and pop a lithium pill. Not being stupid or making fun, just for real, it was eye opening! I don’t want this to sound bad, but it really made me feel bad for my Hus, and it totally kind of changed how I feel and look at him. I just really started feeling bad for him having to deal with this disease, and it helped me to start helping HIM fight the disease itself. And just understand him more and where he’s coming from. I hope I don’t ever sound like I’m putting him or the disease down, or making fun of it, but our relationship has come a LONG way since he has become sober and stopped abusing medications, and we are both jokesters and very sarcastic, so we laugh about him/the disease/us a LOT. It helps! lol. What’s REALLY fun, is when I do a play-by-play of his brain/actions/thought process! LOL The world needs more supportive people for mentally ill people, because I really believe there is hope for coping.
    P.S. I just KNOW Jesus will greet us with a bottle of wine when we die. And pizza. And chocolate for my Hus. Triple chocolate with peanut butter. Ooooh, and a pet dolphin! I don’t ask for a lot…

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 23, 2015, 7:54 am

      I didn’t mean to minimize the care that non-anxious people have for the rest of us crazies. When they give us advice, they’re just trying to help, I know that. It must be frustrating for them too! Like, why can’t we just SNAP OUT OF IT?!?

      A pet dolphin? I think I like you more and more each day too. 🙂

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets September 27, 2015, 4:39 am

    I think you hit the nail on the head with your description. I do know soaking away in a bathtub while listening to Enya won’t take it away although medication might help since it’s truly brain chemistry gone awry.

    I’ve also read studies which show people who meditate (or maybe it’s mindful meditation) for 30 minutes a day have been able to increase the pathways in their brain which deal with anxiety, allowing them to better manage it. Considering I struggle to do 5 minute meditation, 30 minutes sounds particularly challenging.

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