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Backstroke

May 1, 2017

Eighteen years ago I married my best friend.

Confused? I think most of you guys know my story but I know I recently picked up a few stragglers (welcome to the crazy train! woohoo!) and so it’s only fair that I give you guys a better idea of what my life is about.

Jason and I started dating when we were 15 years old and anyone who has ever done it knows what I’m talking about when I say we became each other’s family, because that’s what happens when you hold hands with someone through the transformation and evolution of the child-to-adult years. We weren’t sure where one of us started and where the other ended.

We got married on May 1st, 1999 when we were 20 and 21 years old, and then had our first son Jake in September of 2000.

Some people get married for all the right reasons, and it doesn’t work out. Some people get married for all the wrong reasons and it settles in like a pair of well-worn leather boots. I’m not sure why our marriage didn’t work out in the end. I mean, I can speculate, and I have no doubt that there are a few friends and family members that can and most certainly have cast their votes, but at the end of the day, I mean, who really gives a shit why? One person’s why could be another person’s grace. Baking bread at an elevation of 8000 ft is a lot different than baking bread at sea level, but bakers in either state are still liable to start a goddamn fire in the kitchen.

Divorce is ugly. As Chris Farley often said, “That’s gonna leave a bit of a mark.” But I’m thankful for the part Jason and his family played in my life. There are a few of them that I miss so much that my chest physically hurts. I’m over the frigging moon for the kids that Jason gave me, and I know he is too; they’re incredible people.

I love how even though we’ve both started new chapters, by the gift of grace we are still able to flip back to the dogeared pages and inhale the familiar scent of all the good times.

This song gives me all the feels, the good ones, the bad ones, the ugly ones. But it’s healing. Have a listen, but have some snot-rags nearby!

 

This post was for you, Molly Rose! 🙂

{ 19 comments… add one }
  • Allie Capo-Burdick May 19, 2017, 3:20 am

    I love reading about your “past life” and putting it all together. I also love how you’re grateful for the good, bad and ugly of life always and without apology. Life is messy and your bread analogy hit the nail on the head.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 7:30 am

      I never run out of analogies and metaphors. I call myself a “metaphor whore.” It gets a bit much sometimes. 😉

  • Gretchen May 19, 2017, 4:50 am

    Love that song <33

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 7:28 am

      It’s SO incredible. Thanks for giving me the heads up about that album!

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home May 19, 2017, 6:39 am

    I think people change over time and sometimes what brought you together can tear you apart. My husband and I have been married for 29 years (yikes!) and we’ve weathered a lot of ups and down in our marriage. Right now, I’d say we’re in a valley–my diagnosis with RA and needing to take time off threw him for a loop. He hasn’t been very nice to be around lately. I think, why do I stay? but then we cycle back around again. So I ride it out. Marriage is tough.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 7:28 am

      My therapist refers to that cycle as a dance. Step back, step forward, spin, move around, shuffle, etc. It feels a little more elegant that way. HA! But ya, I bet it’s hard for you guys with this new diagnosis. It’s bound to affect you both on a bunch of levels. Dang, life is hard. 29 years is amazing. 🙂

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets May 19, 2017, 7:02 am

    Wow, that wedding picture. You’re beautiful and so very young. I can’t imagine. I love hearing your back story even though I already know it.

    I always said I’d never get married or have kids and well, here I am. 🙂 I wouldn’t change a lick of it either although there’s no way in hell I’ll let Ave read my high school diary.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 7:26 am

      I threw all of my diaries out! I wish SO HARD that I hadn’t. Ahhh I hate thinking about it.

  • Ana May 19, 2017, 8:59 am

    I love your wedding picture! You look so precious!

    Divorce sucks balls, but staying in a difficult marriage is being suffocated by those balls, all the time!

    I always enjoy hearing your backstory.

    • molly rose May 19, 2017, 12:17 pm

      I truly love this divorce/balls analogy.

      • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 6:55 pm

        Same. The thought of getting suffocated by balls does not sound appealing to me. I’d rather be suffocated by a penis, or boobies. Not balls.

  • Susie @ Suzlyfe May 19, 2017, 10:39 am

    There are so many of life’s arcs that don’t make sense, and yet work. People like to say that “everything happens for a reason.” But sometimes? Things just happen. And yet life goes on., I’m so glad that you and Jason have the relationship that you do.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 6:57 pm

      EXACTLY. People say “everything happens for a reason” for the sake of having something to say. I’d rather just learn how to be strong enough to stand in the discomfort of not knowing what the fuck is going on. People who can do that are champions.

  • molly rose May 19, 2017, 12:23 pm

    Wearing a bittersweet grin throughout this and then THE SHOUTOUT. Thanks Suzy:) 🙂 🙂 You titled this perfectly, btw. You inspire me to get back into writing!! (I used to blog, then went into the dark when my life followed suit) But lately have thought how it was such a great outlet regardless of my life situation. xoxo

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 6:53 pm

      I can tell by your comments that you’re very well written and articulate! WRITE baby WRITE!

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run May 19, 2017, 2:43 pm

    You look so cute in your wedding photo. 🙂 I know marriage is hard and it is a choice every day to make it work, BUT I also know life is short and if two people are unhappy and it is not working, sometimes it’s good to break it off so you can both live happy lives. I just want people to be HAPPY.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 19, 2017, 6:52 pm

      I heard a quote once that made me kinda chuckle: “No good marriage ever ended in divorce.” It’s obvious but still…sometimes it’s hard to remember the obvious things.

  • San May 23, 2017, 2:55 pm

    I love that you’re still ‘friends’ with your ex ….

    Oh, and that photo of you… <3

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com May 23, 2017, 4:44 pm

      Well, friends would be pushing it. We share some dope jokes but we still drive each other crazy, and not in a cute way. Like, a smashing our heads against walls way.

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