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Blended Family Friday: Ex and the City

So, I did the stupidest thing ever.

Last Tuesday was the first day of school, and as I sat in the high school parking lot waiting for Jake to come out of class, Wendy (Andrew’s ex) pulled up beside me. I waved hello but she ignored me, drove around and then left.

I was like, what? I thought we were past all of this! I ended up phoning her and leaving a voicemail saying that I really want us to be able to say hi to each other, not just for our kids but for us, because we need peace too. And I also told her that I want to make right whatever I did to make her hate me so much.

Well, Wendy phoned Andrew freaking out because she claimed that she was at work the whole time, and that Suzy is freaking crazy.

So now I’m thinking, not only does she hate my guts but now she’s outright lying about even seeing me. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how we were going to spend the next whatever number of years seeing each other all the time when it is this bad.

Until Andrew and I drove to the school to pick up the youngest two and drove behind a car that is the exact same make, year, and colour as Wendy’s and even has the exact same last three letters on the plates. And was Wendy driving it? No. Somebody else was, and that somebody happened to have straight brown hair and glasses and looked exactly like her.

So, pretty much, I’m a spaz.

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I don’t blame Wendy one bit.

I don’t like leaving things unsettled. Do any of you have unresolved issues with people close to you? What about from the past? What pops into your mind?

I wrote out a letter to my first boyfriend Gabe and read it out to my therapist. I needed to forgive him and it was so hard to let it go. I also hurt a few people along the way in my 37 years of life and I wish I could erase the pain. Forgiveness is a gift not just for the wicked, but for the weary.

Did you guys watch Sex and the City?

I never did. I was too obsessed with Chris Farley movies.

 

{ 25 comments… add one }
  • Susie @ SuzLyfe September 18, 2015, 4:44 am

    Ah. Classic Suz. Either you or me.
    Well, you’re a spaz and she is what she is so chalk that up to “we’re even.” I did not watch Sex and the City. I think I was watching Alias at that time.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 7:36 am

      I just do these sorts of things all the time. Super dorky awkward things. Feet always in mouth.

  • Gretchen September 18, 2015, 5:32 am

    I can completely relate to this. I don’t like knowing that people have a problem, or there’s something unresolved. Even if they tell me exactly what happened and the reason why they hate me, at least I can know and grow from that! I would also have called her up. I can’t believe it wasn’t her though…that’s just terrible luck! And I love SATC! During an internship I was living in Cleveland and we had HBO On Demand, so I watched the entire series..because what else is there to do in Cleveland? (answer- nothing)

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 7:39 am

      Hahaha… I love that you answered “nothing.” I could see myself liking that show too–I just have such a hard time sitting still on the couch for that long. And yeah, I feel dumb that it wasn’t really her in the car but maybe it will work out for the best you know, because I was able to talk to her (voice mail… lol). I just kinda do what I do, keep living my life and loving the best that I can and at the end of the day just hope for the best.

  • heather September 18, 2015, 6:41 am

    I take Paxil too. I don’t take anything for anxiety, but I feel your pain. I never watched Sex and the City. I just could not get into it. I do love Chris Farley movies, they never get old. I do not like the thought of people being mad at me. I want everything resolved NOW. Have a great day
    bakingrunner.blogspot.com

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 7:40 am

      I like resolving things straight away. Life is too short to not make amends, and carrying anger and resentment can get pretty heavy sometimes.

  • Steve September 18, 2015, 6:57 am

    Wendy should try to chill out a bit. At the end of the day who gives a shit? She could have just called you back and said that you were mistaken. People are so quick to anger.

    I have spent a lifetime trying to atone for some of the dumb shit I’ve done in the past. What are you gonna do? Eventually, you just come to the realization that you can’t control what has already happened…all you can do is try to become a better person going forward.

    I watched a half hour of that show once…hated it but I hate most shows so whatever.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 7:47 am

      Ahhh, Steve. You’re golden. Your comment reminds me of that link I shared on FB once. I’ll stick it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26U_seo0a1g

      • Steve September 18, 2015, 8:07 am

        Yeah…I think you sent me that link before. I know somebody did. It is good. Very inspired.

  • Allison September 18, 2015, 7:37 am

    I’m sitting here cracking up. I was reading your post and think what the actual fuck is going on here!!! Hilarious.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 7:51 am

      I still don’t even know what the actual fuck is going on. lol

  • Lauren @ ihadabiglunch September 18, 2015, 9:21 am

    It’s hard to accept that you have caused someone else pain. That’s where most of my anxiety comes from. I can’t even imagine how awkward that situation would be…but I love that you share it haha it’s a breath of fresh air from some of the blogs I read (even though I do love them all!). Thanks for always being transparent. You’re a spaz, but aren’t we all?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 10:54 am

      That’s what I’m going to write about in one of my anxiety posts, actually! That the root of all anxiety is separateness and if we only come together and solve conflict, make amends, then we will feel peaceful, we will like who we are each day and we will then be able to sleep at night. I’ve said this line so many times in the last couple of years, “I need to sleep tonight.” And that right there, is why I do my best to be kind and loving, and not act like a complete bag of dicks.

  • Maddie @ Dixie Runs September 18, 2015, 10:01 am

    I would totally do something like that… but I’m so awkward that I would probably try to avoid her completely. I hate leaving things unsettled. I over analyze EVERYTHING so the longer I leave it unsettled the more it builds up. For some people unsettled things slowly go away and then they’re gone, but for me it’s the complete opposite.

    And I’ve seen every episode of sex and the city!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 10:52 am

      Oh, you brew and stew. Gotcha. Well, I just know how good it feels to settle things even though it’s really hard and stressful to have those types of big conversations. But hey, we’re adults, and we need to show our kids that conflict can be resolved healthfully. I over-analyze everything too. I think it’s because we’re such feelers. We feel everrrrrrything. Empathy is exhausting.

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run September 18, 2015, 10:22 am

    Oh my word how embarrassing! I bet Andrew thought it was funny once he figured it out. 🙂 We all have our spazzy moments!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 10:51 am

      We laughed, and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. I phoned Wendy back and left yet another message on her voice mail telling her I was sorry to stress her out.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes September 18, 2015, 10:24 am

    That’s totally something I would do also. I see dopplegangers of people everywhere, or maybe my mind imagines it. I’m a total spaz too – people who aren’t spazs in someway or another are either hiding something or freakishly and unrealistically perfect.
    I used to watch Sex and the City all the time in high school and college, but now the show annoys me.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 18, 2015, 10:49 am

      Nobody is perfect! So I’m going with the fact that they’re hiding something like glow in the dark nipples or an obsession with nasal spray.

  • Erin@BeetsPerMinute September 19, 2015, 7:54 am

    OMG. I’ve had that happen to me before, but in reverse. A guy I worked with was being really rude to me at work and I finally asked him what his problem was and he said, “every few days I see you pulling out of the parking lot at the gas station in Danville and I wave and you ignore me, wtf?”. I was like, ” ummmm, I haven’t been to Danville in literal decades” He had been waving to another blonde in a blue Subaru for weeks, but not this one lol! It happens! I was just like what the hell is this guy’s damage with me? Haha! I do believe in forgiveness. Grudges only hurt those who hold them more. Let that shit go and make room for love and positive energy to flow! I think you’re so awesome! This shows just how forgiving and in search of resolution you truly are …it just happened to be a doppelganger. <3

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 19, 2015, 8:23 am

      What a great story! I’m glad he finally said something to you so that you two could figure it out. “Grudges only hurt those who hold them more.”<----TRUTH.

  • Heather@hungryforbalance September 19, 2015, 5:13 pm

    I so do not think you are a spaz. That sounds like something that I would do, except that I’m crazier and not as logical. I would not have called her and left the message; instead, I would have sat dwelling and stewing over why she ignored me, pestered my husband/family/kids about it, and essentially let it ruin my entire day. At least you called and tried to fix it! Kudos! (and not the bar, although I did love those back in the day…)
    I did watch Sex and the City, but I was a huge Adam Sandler fan too. I always liked him more than Chris Farley for some reason.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 19, 2015, 6:04 pm

      I call myself a spaz because I have lots of ditsy energy. When I phoned her, I spoke out my heart–that I’d love to help her with whatever it is that is weighing her down and coming between us because not only does it stress out Kylah and Ethan but I can’t imagine it feels too good carrying around unresolved stuff. How do I know that? Because I have spent my fair share of time carrying around anger and resentments for whatever reason, thinking that by holding onto it all that I’d be “getting it out.” But all I did was exercise the anger muscle, and of course it got bigger, and I became a giant bag of dicks.

      Adam Sandler is okay, but Chris Farley will always be my idol. I absolutely adore him.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets September 20, 2015, 9:01 am

    Holy irony batman. Oh well, I can’t fault you for trying to keep the relationship with his ex on the right course. Quite frankly it’s admirable and if she can’t see that, it’s her loss.

    I own all the SATC’s and I could happily watch them for hours on end.

    I’m sure there are people who I’ve left things open ended with or hurt in some way, although for the life of me I can’t think of one right now. I’ve learned you can’t make everyone happy and no matter how hard you try or how good your intentions are, someone will misinterpret it. Maybe that’s why those things don’t keep me up at night. I’ve got plenty of other stuff to do that.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com September 20, 2015, 1:29 pm

      I know I’d really like Wendy, and I know she doesn’t read this but if she ever does, I hope she knows that I’ll always have her back. That we all do things and act certain ways sometimes that just don’t reflect our truest selves. Sometimes we act like assholes and hate ourselves while we’re doing it. I see past all that, I see past all the emotions and acting out and I care about her heart. I’ll never give up on that. I can only do this because I first had people do this for me. I had to have people look past my assholery and see my heart.

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