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Blended Family Friday: Long Haul

You know what’s really shitty? Jason and I were so excited about getting married at the age of 20 because it meant that we could be one of those old couples that have a crazy huge anniversary. Can you imagine being able to tell people you’ve been married for 50 or 60 years? What a rush.

And you know what’s even worse? When I see these posts on Facebook:

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Because it implies that Jason and I took our marriage lightly and just haphazardly trashed it alongside our string cheese wrappers and Q-Tips.

I get that a lot of people are lazy, and when things go wrong they find walking away a lot easier than going to counseling, doing awkward relationship assignments, dealing with daddy issues/mama drama, forgiving, healing, loving. That shit is hard, and it hurts. But honestly? I don’t know many (any, actually) divorced people that have been lazy about love. The only lazy lovers are the judgmental ones.

I’m sitting here, two vanilla vodka and cokes later and I have no idea how to conclude this post. The cat is licking herself on the chair next to me. Andrew’s in his underwear trying to print off a title search for work, and Callum just squeezed out a beet-infused applesauce all over the ottoman.

I don’t really know my point, but I know the bottom line: love always wins. And? Love doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes it smarts in all the wrong places. But it always wins.

Jason and Andrew and I all went to Jake’s parent teacher meetings tonight, together. And that shows me that the people I chose when I was in my twenties and in my thirties, are loving people. And for that, for them, I will always be thankful.

Have you ever tried vanilla vodka?

My sister Tracey introduced me to it about a year ago and I just bought my first bottle of it a few weeks ago. YUM.

Do you feel like people who get divorced are weak? Or sub-par? Or do you have empathy for them? Give it to me straight because you KNOW I can handle it.

 

{ 22 comments… add one }
  • Tracey October 15, 2015, 11:26 pm

    I got divorced to save my children from living in misery. When the cycle of abuse didn’t stop, I felt had no choice but to leave. If I stayed, then 4 people would be very fuckedup today. I saved 3 of us from that. That’s no sub-par. That’s superhero strength and courage!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 8:06 am

      Leaving a situation like that takes a huge set, for sure!

  • Maddie @ Dixie Runs October 16, 2015, 4:34 am

    It’s hard to make a generalization about divorce because every situation is so unique. Sometimes people fall out of love and sometimes they are forced out of love by the other persons actions…. Neither of which makes a person weak. I’ve only been married for 1 month so I can’t really even talk about it, but I’ve always been so observant of relationships that don’t work out and I try to pinpoint the exact moment that things go wrong. One thing I’ve noticed is that most of the people I know who are divorced have ended up in much happier, healthier relationships and are seemingly better off all around. Sometimes it just takes more than one try to get it right and there is nothing wrong with that!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 8:05 am

      I love how gracious and accepting you are! That’s why everyone loves you so much. Not that you’re an enabler, but that you’re a lover. There’s a good healthy line between the two and you’ve already nailed it, even in your twenties, you young little thing! You must have great examples of healthy people in your life. Love it!

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe October 16, 2015, 5:02 am

    Vanilla vodka and diet coke was my jam in college. I like that you are still drinking them.
    I think that in most situations, the lazy people are the judgmental ones. I often end up judging myself when I know that I am being lazy. That’s healthy, right?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 8:03 am

      It’s a lot more work to be empathetic and thoughtful! Judging people is waaaaay easier.

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run October 16, 2015, 6:04 am

    I do feel empathy for people who get divorced because I really doubt anyone WANTS it to be that way. I could be wrong, but I doubt many people get married with the intention of just getting a divorce if things get rough.

    Marriage is definitely not for everyone and just like I support everyone’s right to marry whoever they want, I don’t think anyone should stay in a marriage if it is not healthy for them. Life is too short!!!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 8:02 am

      My best guess is that years ago, it wasn’t as acceptable to get out of a toxic relationship and so people stayed together “no matter what.” Sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes it’s the worst thing that they could do. But now, it’s somewhat easier and more acceptable to get divorced. Even so, up in Canada, we can’t apply for a divorce until we have been physically apart for 12 months. They drag it out so that we really have a chance to cool down and think about what we’re doing. In the States, you can go out and get a divorce that day, I think. Maybe not in all states but some places, yes.

      • Megan @ Meg Go Run October 16, 2015, 3:06 pm

        I think you are right except I know at least in some places one of the parties can hold out and make it drag on for longer. But in the states, if both want the divorce it can be pretty quick. In a way, a cooling off period could potentially be good, but I don’t think that should be FORCED upon someone. It could also be very dangerous!

        I definitely agree that it is becoming more acceptable to leave marriages. I believe the divorce rate is going down in the states though because it is becoming more acceptable to push marriage off until you are older or simply not get married at all.

        I FORGOT TO TELL MY VANILLA VODKA STORY! Except I think I may have told it to you before. I got really drunk on it and threw up in the toilet at my friends house. So I took what I THOUGHT was a tube of Colgate and brushed my teeth with it (with my finger) but it was CORTIZONE!

        For a very long time, I could not drink vanilla anything or even have vanilla ice cream.

        • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 4:26 pm

          You’re right. I don’t think it should be forced upon someone either. And omg your vanilla vodka story is HILAAAARIOUS. I need to live near you. We’d have so much fun. <3

  • Christina @ The Athletarian October 16, 2015, 7:45 am

    That’s pretty awesome that you can all go to parent teacher meetings together. You’ve got some great, loving men in your life.

    I’ve never tried vanilla vodka. I don’t drink! Am I weird to you now?? Haha! I hate the taste of any and all alcohol. Seriously. I got my mom’s tastebuds. We are quite the exciting duo, especially when we go on all inclusive vacations together.

    I have never been married so it’s hard for me to weigh in on this…BUT I have a lot of people in my life who have been in some tough situations. I do not think people who get divorced are weak or sub-par. Shit happens! People change. Two people can still love each other but agree that the relationship is not working or benefiting either of them. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to walk away from a marriage but if it leads to better, happier things down the road, I say go for it.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 7:59 am

      Oh, I knew that you didn’t drink. I remember that! I didn’t drink either for years, up until I turned 30 or so. And I bet you and your mom have so much fun together no matter where you go or what you (don’t) drink.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes October 16, 2015, 9:45 am

    I cringed when I read about the beet-infused applesauce all over the ottoman. Beet juice makes the biggest and most violent looking mess ever, after periods.
    I have such empathy for divorced people. My dad divorced his first wife and now he and my mom have been together for 28 years. I just always try to practice empathy and kindness instead of judgment (I’m not perfect though), because you never, ever know what someone is actually going through/went through.
    I think my tastebuds are broken because I don’t like vanilla vodka. I was that weird college student sipping Bailey’s and coffee or gin and tonic instead of vodka and coke.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 9:54 am

      Cool story about your mom and dad. 28 years is no joke! That’s inspiring. <3 And yeah, vodka has a bit of a hairspray aftertaste, for sure. I get it.

  • Heather@hungryforbalance October 16, 2015, 9:55 am

    Reading meme’s like the one above make me sad too. I got married when I was 24 and it lasted a year before we separated and filed for divorce 6 months later. Were we lazy about our marriage? Maybe, but I don’t regret my decision one bit. I really do not think I would have re-connected with John (we went to high school together, but different universities). Divorce is always a complicated and painful situation. I think the fact that the three of you go to parent-teacher conferences together speaks loads about your character. You are not lazy. You are awesome. I need to try vanilla vodka.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 10:29 am

      Thanks Heather! At the end of the day, no matter what anyone tells us we should do or should have done, it’s US who has to live with our own decisions. We are the only ones that can live inside our minds and hearts and although so many people might judge us or not understand us, that has to be okay. Because, vanilla vodka.

  • Lisa @ Lisa the Vegetarian October 16, 2015, 1:49 pm

    I don’t feel like people who get divorced are weak. And I know that there are many couples in our generation that do not take marriage lightly. You make a great point about love always winning!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 16, 2015, 2:34 pm

      Thanks Lisa!

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets October 17, 2015, 1:39 pm

    I want to try this vanilla vodka you speak of.

    Currently, I am sitting fireside with Amanda Spoons on my right and Oscar on my righter right, who is gazing out the window. I am dreaming of Cheez Its and raspberries and sometimes love isn’t enough and sometimes things shouldn’t be fixed. That is all.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 17, 2015, 1:58 pm

      Say hi to Amanda for me! She’s the reason I started blogging in the first place. What a kind, generous gentle woman. She is so busy and yet she took the time to email me back to help me set up my website. I love Cheez Its by the way, but we don’t have them in Canada. It’s so sad.

  • Allison October 19, 2015, 5:00 am

    YUM vanilla vodka – it’s what I use in my jello shots. I don’t love the brand, but Pinnacle makes crazy flavors like cake, whipped cream, cotton candy flavored vodkas. It’s pretty fun.

    I hate those posts – the one that you started off with. I feel like its so mean and judgey. Until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes and lived with their own challenges, I suggest people get off their high horses and shut the F up. Like maybe they made their marriage work but I’m sure they’ve done things that they could be judged for, too. Live your own lives!!! Huge pet peeve of mine. Sorry for the rant.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 19, 2015, 8:06 am

      I love your rants, and yes this person has screwed up a lot, despite coming across like a champ for staying married through it all. I wonder how his wife feels about it? LOL

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