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Blended Family Friday: Tornado Warning

Andrew and I have different strengths. A good match has a Yin and Yang. Puzzle pieces.

But within each piece there are aspects of our personalities that thrive and there are some that starve. When Andrew’s thriving bit matches up with my starving part, we end up having a pretty rough day. Or week. Or month. Because we’re so off-balance, that we end up going in circles.

I remember trying to run with my dreads. They were so incredible heavy that they’d pull my centre of gravity back and forth like a fucking tractor trailer. I loved my knots and I know for a fact I would still have them if I wasn’t a runner. I kept them clean and soft and fuzzy, like a comforting blanket and cover when I needed to tuck myself into safety. But when I wanted to bust out and run? My dreads pulled me into a storm, its very centre ripping apart my foundation.

Things like date nights bring us back to our centre, a place where our strengths and weaknesses pull together like magnets, a force unseen but powerful nonetheless.

To be honest, we have had a couple of rough weeks. It’s hard to go too long without a date night, and we have both felt it. But I think what we realized today when we were talking on the phone is that we shouldn’t be waiting for date night to talk about the deep stuff. That we need to connect with each other daily, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

We’re really good at hanging out together and having fun. We’re best friends, and there is no lack of love. But communicating the hard stuff is something we really need to work on, not so much conceptually, as we do talk it out but habitually. We let things go too long before it blows up. And having such a huge family with this many people can make the perfect storm, if we wait too long.

Do you guys have a hard time communicating with people you love? What’s your tendency—to solve the problem asap or to sweep it all under the carpet?

I like solving problems RIGHT AWAY. <—- understatement of the century

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had sex?

I’ll never tell. But I know Susie will.

{ 25 comments… add one }
  • Kristen October 1, 2015, 8:26 pm

    We all have those days, weeks, whatever that we exist in the storm.
    I had 2 days like that last week where I let something fester and I was UBER emotional. Turns out I had the information wrong. Doh. I should have said something right away instead of leaving it for 2 days, but my heart was broken and I couldn’t deal with it. Had I the courage to say something right away it would have saved a lot of hurt.
    I’m glad you two made the time to talk about stuff.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 1, 2015, 9:00 pm

      Oooooh, festering is the WORST. It feels awful when it’s happening and it makes a HUGE mess. But hey, we’re human. We’ll figure this shit out eventually. Love always wins.

  • Chris October 1, 2015, 9:56 pm

    You’d think after 18 years, figuring out how to hash things out would be a no-brainer between two people. Oh gosh. The misery that can prevail when I can’t figure out how to bring something up… or convey it in a way that carries the weight I’m feeling… wow. I’m so much better with the written word. I just want to pass notes forever.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:30 am

      I AM THE SAME WAY! I’ll sit there and try to talk and my brain literally shuts down. Like one of those old tube TVs that make the dying sound.

  • Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine October 2, 2015, 2:20 am

    I’m not very talking about the tough stuff with anyone. I would rather problem solve the things on the surface rather than go into what’s really underneath. It’s not good, but it’s always how I’ve been and its hard to change!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:29 am

      Hey, I love your honesty. You think you only brush the surface but your comment tells me otherwise.

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe October 2, 2015, 4:27 am

    Alex has pretty much taught me to communicate. His family is a very communicative bunch. My family is NOT. One of the best things that he has done for me is to get me to realize that I have to speak. Sometimes too much and not in the right ways, but I have to get it out there.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:28 am

      Alex is a good influence, and you’re a good student, you sexy little thing.

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run October 2, 2015, 5:12 am

    I am also a RIGHT AWAY person. I haaaaate bottling anger/annoyance/frustration up because it just eats away at me. Paul and I were really disconnected this past Monday and Tuesday, but Wed we warmed back up and last night was AWESOME. We were back to our joking around. It was a stressful week, and sometimes when we are stressed we just don’t want anything to do with each other. I can’t imagine WHAT it would be like if we had kids! Hey I want to see a picture of you with dreads!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:26 am

      I thought I had a pic of me with dreads on here somewhere and I can’t find it! I’ll have to dig through iPhoto and post one for you soon. I’m glad you and Paul are back to normal again. <3 Love.

  • Gretchen October 2, 2015, 5:22 am

    Communication is a tough thing because Dan and I are just silly most of the time, so we’re definitely working on getting deeper occasionally. I like a mix of fun and serious, so I have to work on the serious now 🙂

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:23 am

      You guys are cuuuuuute. xoxo

  • Heather@hungryforbalance October 2, 2015, 5:29 am

    I am not always great with talking about the tough stuff. Actually, I tend to blow up about something little and completely unrelated, but the truth always comes out in the end. It just may be a few hours, a few broken things, and lots of tears later.
    I hope you guys have a great date night.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:23 am

      Well, good thing we have a lifetime to figure this stuff out and as long as we share grace and growth, we’ll be okay. <--- sounded like the right thing to say. Sometimes it feels good to just break shit on the floor.

  • Jamie October 2, 2015, 6:47 am

    I totally love avoiding all types of confrontation. If I just don’t acknowledge it, it’ll just go away yeah? Totally healthy : ) I agree that date nights are essential – and I can only imagine how much more important they are once you have a family. *Things to remember*

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:22 am

      Ha ha. You’re hilarious. I hate confrontation too. I always have a smile on my face, even when life is super shitty (although it looks a bit more like a grimace than a smile). I’m chill about most stuff and let it go but then all of a sudden the straw will break the camel’s back and I’m like WE NEED TO DEAL NOW BEFORE YOU DIE.

  • Maddie @ Dixie Runs October 2, 2015, 7:10 am

    I’m the type of person that has to deal with things immediately and completely before I can think about anything else.. Thomas would rather sweep it under the rug for years. It’s an interesting balance we have to find, but I’ve found that if I can get him to START talking about it, he usually wants to finish the conversation. It’s just prying him away from the xbox to start a conversation with actual eye contact that is the most challenging. I don’t think we’ve had sex in weird places… I really like beds.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:20 am

      “I really like beds.” LOL. You’re awesome. What, you don’t like rug burn or misplaced vertebrae? Me neither. Okay so YES you guys are a great balance. I’m just glad the Xbox stays in one place, so you always know where to find him, right? So that’s a plus. 😛

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes October 2, 2015, 7:11 am

    I’m German, so we’re really good at talking about the deep stuff but not the personal stuff. Ryan has helped me open up and talk about all the stuff, including my own, and we talk about the deep stuff frequently.
    My friends used to tease that Ryan and I over-communicated when we started dating. We’d call each other three or four times a day when we were long distance, plus texting, but it’s so beneficial now for our marriage.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 8:19 am

      Well, you laid the framework for the foundation of your marriage back then! Obviously. Everyone says it’s important to have sex before marriage to see if there’s chemistry, but I think communication is the tool that provides a safe environment and fosters closeness, intimacy and vulnerability making sex, well… sexy.

  • Allison October 2, 2015, 9:10 am

    My husband is also my BFF but I have the same issue in our marriage. There is no lack of love and fun, and he is my opposite (in a good way). But communication, well, that’s a different story. It’s mostly me. I don’t like talking about the tough stuff, the deep stuff. Which is so weird because he is the one person I can say anything to. He’s the one person I know will stay by my side through anything (we’ve tested this, hahaha!). Great post. I think tonight over our regular pizza Friday date night I’ll have this on the back of my mind 🙂

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 10:00 am

      It’s so funny how so many people go on and assume it’s the guy that doesn’t like talking about the deep stuff when so often it’s the vagina-clad variety that avoids conflict like hydrogenated oil. Have fun tonight! xo

  • heather October 2, 2015, 10:39 am

    Ummmm a General’s desk in the Army!!!!! HAHAHahahahah I was a lot younger. I don’t have a significant other at the moment, but I put all my shit out on the table, because keeping it bottled up makes it worse. I am pretty happy that I was the first to give a legitimate answer to the sex question!!!!!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 2, 2015, 11:28 am

      Ding ding ding! We have a winner. I actually had one person send me an anonymous answer to the sex question because they didn’t want anyone to know about it. I asked her if I could share it and she said yes. Her and her husband conceived a child on top of a TRAIN!!! But I dunno Heather… A general’s desk still sounds like the champ.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets October 5, 2015, 3:49 am

    It depends on if I’m the source of the issue or not. If I’m the source and I don’t want to deal with it, I can put that shit off for forever.

    Also, as far as couples stuff goes, I have found when one person is melting down, the other steps up and is strong. Then when that same person is ok, the strong one melts down. It’s a back and forth cycle at least when it comes to care giving or handling some real deal stuff.

    Weirdest place: either the drive in or maybe in my in-laws driveway. Thank god, they never looked out the window.

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