I have emotional walls.
1). My huge long hair.
Twice, I cut all of my hair off. When I look back I can see that both times I did it were during the midst of a major identity crisis. Is the plural form of crisis “crisi?” Or “crisises?” And why do I not know this? Is it because most normal people do not have more than one crisis in a lifetime? Then most normal people can just fuck right off.
2). My smile.
I have this huge sparkly smile filled with giant horse teeth, my instrument that plays out a laugh so loud that you’ll forget about whatever it was that made me bust it all open.
3) The white wicker.
When I was a sullen screwed up teenager, my parents would drag me into the family room and lecture me about the importance of church and youth group and having friends that were healthy and Godly, and having a tidy room and looking up at people when they speak to you. So while they spoke to me I would tilt my head to the right and fix my eyes to the edges of our white wicker coffee table. I would imagine my body liquidizing, being pulled like vapor into the weave of the wood, backbending into the cracks and crevices and being taken away and into it all until I was gone. And I was gone.
Music saves me. It holds me, kisses my forehead and puts me back down on solid ground.
5) Humour and wit.
This is Andrew’s biggest wall, but it’s definitely got a spot on my own foundation too. I think the smart people call it “deflection.” We feel pain, take it in, turn it over and spit it back out in the form of a joke. It doesn’t matter if the joke’s on us or if it’s on you—all that matters is that the pain is on the back burner.
Anyway, those are my main walls. Being crude, talking about poo and farts, belching the word “barf“… those are my mini walls. I’ll pull those out when I’m feeling like I really want everyone to leave me alone, but in like, a passive-aggressive way.
Okay, so it’s your turn. I was all vulnerable so that you’d let go of the rope a bit and soften the edges of your heart so we can meet up in the middle. What are your walls? What do they look like? Don’t think too hard—just write down whatever comes to mind!