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Boob Job: Feeling Up

I can’t believe how much easier this is getting with every day that has gone by. I jotted down a couple of things that I have noticed:

First of all, I can feel myself trying to detach a bit as a way of coping. If I close my eyes and really pay attention to what is going on inside of me, I would say it’s almost like a coldness washes over my emotions, just for those 30 seconds before I walk out naked. If I could put this feeling into words it would come out something like this, “Okay, you know what? Fuck, whatever, right? Who fucking cares. If anyone thinks my boobs are stupid, well then they can write me a cheque for a boob job.”

So, this is a coping mechanism, which is fine and everything for that moment. If that “fuck you” mentality pushes me off the edge, then grace can take over from there. Whatever it takes for me to make that first step is fine.

But I don’t want my Self to get stuck in that cold place. I want to warm up and grow in maturity and strength from this project. I want my stature to evolve from defiant compensation to gentle authoritative love. This is my hope, and I can feel it happening with each passing day. Those 30 seconds of coldness are becoming shorter and the love and grace I have been receiving is growing much larger.

Unfortunately, my boobs still look exactly the same.

They’re still the stupidest things I’ve ever seen. Don’t even for a second get me wrong about that.

But they’re mine, they’re me and I am enough.

 

{ 14 comments… add one }
  • Susie @ SuzLyfe October 15, 2015, 4:00 am

    Boobs are indeed weird.
    But so are penises.
    And many other parts of the human body.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 15, 2015, 10:36 am

      Bodies are so fascinating!

  • Heather@hungryforbalance October 15, 2015, 5:21 am

    Yes! You are enough!! And, I’m sure they are not the stupidest things; think about that goat from yesterday!

    • Megan @ Meg Go Run October 15, 2015, 7:36 am

      Hahaha!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 15, 2015, 10:36 am

      Okay, you know what? That’s a really great point. HA!

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run October 15, 2015, 7:36 am

    You are totally enough, Suzy!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 15, 2015, 10:36 am

      XO

  • heather October 15, 2015, 9:56 am

    I totally hate the way my boobs look. They are just in the effing way, make a uniboob no matter how good a sports bra I buy. I would rather look at my running toes, than look at my tits. LOL
    bakingrunner.blogspot.com

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 15, 2015, 10:35 am

      Ha ha! I have the worst feet everrrrrr. Well, my friend Lora does, but mine are a close second.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes October 15, 2015, 10:04 am

    You are most certainly enough! I love this post. Gentle authoritative love: I think that’s something we should all strive for, both in regards to ourselves and regards to others.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 15, 2015, 10:35 am

      Yes, I meant it for myself but I guess we do need to learn to love ourselves before we are able to love others.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets October 17, 2015, 1:34 pm

    Rock on with yo’ boob self.

  • Allison October 19, 2015, 5:02 am

    You rock and so do your boobs. I don’t think your boobs are stupid. Anyone who thinks so can #gfy (go fuck yourself).

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 19, 2015, 8:05 am

      <3

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