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Clench

Andrew and I went out for Indian food and the wine took a fast track to my bladder, so I made an urgent visit to the ladies’ room. Mid-squat, I noticed that the toilet paper dispenser was empty. Unfortunately, my brain had already sent my bladder the message to execute and so it took every muscle fiber in my body to clench back the wee so that I wouldn’t end up having to drip-dry. I hastily yanked up my leggings, shuffled to the next stall, checked to see that the dispenser was indeed full of paper and then I let down the flood gates like whoa.

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Sometimes, though, we don’t catch it in time and we lose control, don’t we? I did that today when I told my ex husband to fuck right off. Three and a half minutes later, I got my shit together and wrote something much more gracious and mature but not after I made a bit of a mess.

The pelvic floor is a muscle that needs to be used if it’s ever going to get stronger. Self control is a practice, a discipline, just like any type of self care. We’re human, and so of course we will slip up from time to time but the quicker we can bounce back the less damage there will be next time.

Thank Grace that when we do lose control, someone will eventually show up in the next stall to spare us a square.

{ 24 comments… add one }
  • Megan @ Meg Go Run November 15, 2016, 2:41 pm

    I love Seinfeld. 🙂

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 15, 2016, 9:14 pm

      It’s def dope.

  • Meredith @ cookie chrunicles November 15, 2016, 2:49 pm

    So one time in Nordstrom I ran into the problem of no toilet paper so I felt it was opportunity to ask the person in next stall to please spare a square ! She clearly didn’t watch Seinfeld and had no idea what I meant. I was like- you know, spare a square? Elaine? Ha. I’ve told you jerry’s sister was my next door neighbor growing up?! jerry was over a lot!!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 15, 2016, 9:13 pm

      I read your comment out to Andrew and he is INSANELY jealous. Seinfeld has been his favourite show for years and years and years. We used to watch it every single night.

  • Lisa @ Mile by Mile November 15, 2016, 3:55 pm

    I love that show! At first I thought this was going to be an update on which stall is the cleanest. I think about it every time I go in the bathroom at work. Now I rotate between stalls so I can eventually figure out which one is the best.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 15, 2016, 9:13 pm

      I think we should turn this into a research project!

  • Gretchen November 15, 2016, 4:29 pm

    I’m so glad that you shared that Seinfeld clip 🙂 I was going to ask if anyone could spare a square! I’ve had to drip dry way too many times. Thank goodness for your amazing pee wee clenching skills.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 15, 2016, 9:13 pm

      Even when I have to wee in the wilderness, I still look around for SOMETHING to use to wipe.

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home November 15, 2016, 5:05 pm

    I hate when there’s no squares and I have to drip dry.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 15, 2016, 9:12 pm

      Ahhhh it’s the worst.

  • San November 15, 2016, 5:11 pm

    You’re good at this metaphor thing, lady.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 15, 2016, 9:11 pm

      Thanks, San. I do know I’m a bit of a metaphor whore.

  • Allie Capo-Burdick November 16, 2016, 2:59 am

    I love how the bathroom stall door says “nobody puts baby in a corner!” LOL!!! I fear I have some clenching of my own coming up. Thanks for the pep talk.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 16, 2016, 11:41 am

      Wear dark underwear!

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe November 16, 2016, 4:08 am

    I can’t tell you how many places I have popped a squat. Thank goodness the path is less crowded during the winter.
    In verbal onslaught news, I had therapy yesterday. I am way too self aware, it turns out (my own assessment)

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 16, 2016, 11:41 am

      Okay, I laughed. You got me. I think we’re pretty similar that way where we get stuck in our own brains AND we take too much responsibility for everyone else’s bullshit. Because WHY? Because we are not too lazy to get help and make changes so if we take it on ourselves, then we KNOW we will get shit done. Otherwise we have to wait around for everyone else to pull up their big girl/boy pants and make some changes, and quite frankly, I’d rather just do it myself.

  • Ana November 16, 2016, 8:11 am

    You write this so beautifully!

    You know how many times I’ve wanted to tell my ex-husband to Fuck off? But I haven’t yet. I have been very close, but for the benefit of my son, I have always bitten my words back.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 16, 2016, 11:38 am

      Well, I don’t make a habit of it. And I don’t toss words around like that too lightly, either. He said something douchey to me, and it was my way of letting him know that it was unacceptable.

  • Helly on the Run November 16, 2016, 9:04 am

    Oh man, there’s been many a times when I’ve sharted (shit+fart…get it? ja!) words out…It’s gotten to the point where now I just stay quiet and don’t say anything at all. Which is bad in its own way, right? I’m an extremist…lol

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 16, 2016, 11:36 am

      Ah yes, I’m all too familiar with the all-or-nothing approach! I like to go by a quote from a smart person a zillion centuries ago and he said: “I have often regretted my speech but never my silence.” While I do believe it’s important to speak up in certain situations, more often than not, when my emotions are ringing in my ears, I need to clamp the chomper SHUT. At least for a while, until my emotions settle and my rational brain comes back online.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets November 16, 2016, 10:27 am

    I can no longer hold it. In fact when I think I have another few seconds, my nether regions tell me otherwise. I blame the child, and can only hope to improve my bottom bits.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 16, 2016, 11:34 am

      It definitely gets better with time. Keep doing those kegels!

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes November 16, 2016, 12:24 pm

    So I’m going to date myself here but I was too young to really watch Seinfeld when it was out! It ended when I was 9 years old. Every time we go camping, I forget to grab the TP out of the pack…and there’s no one to spare a square out in the woods.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com November 16, 2016, 7:14 pm

      And guys just don’t empathize with us when it comes to wee, do they?!?!

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