You guys. For real. I miss writing so much. In fact, I feel like I lost a bit of myself when I stopped. For so long I really assumed that it was running I couldn’t live without but now? I’m not so sure. Running gets out my physical angst but it’s here, the keys, the screen, my head tilted to the right, my brow furrowed, the latest Sam Smith song pulsing through my earbuds on repeat, a candle or incense burning beside me, a bleeding mug of wine, my fingers knocking on the door of my heart, extending outward, beckoning, and pushing, keeping the balance.
I had the chance to sit down and write now, because Jesse was fussy all day and finally settled in for a long nap, and Callum caught the latest virus and has been quarantined to the couch. I had my 6-week postpartum OBGYN apt today (at 7 weeks postpartum, no less) and I thought I’d celebrate this rainy day with a 3pm glass of wine, because silence like this never happens.
No, it never happens.
I was taught to never use the terms “never” or “always” but I’m swearing to you right now that silence never fucking happens. There. I made a new rule. I can only use the terms “never” or “always” if I tag it with “fucking.”
Truth. Preach it, Suzy. Preach.
I have so much in my brain. I have so much to write that it feels disabling. Does that ever happen to you? So, maybe this post is just a foot in the door. I’m cracking it open, having a boo, taking a whiff of the fresh air and then stepping back inside for a bit. But I’ll come back. I have to. I’m bleeding out and it’s gotta go somewhere.
What have you sworn you’d “never” do, and you did? Or didn’t? Or haven’t yet?