You haven’t logged in since 4:47 and it’s now 4:52 and OMG WHAT HAVE YOU MISSED. Okay, okay okay okay so Bob messaged you about farts and you haven’t messaged him back yet. But you’ll do it in a sec, right after you check to see if anyone’s “liked” your latest post. Oh good, Terri shared it and a couple people liked it. You’re not a complete failure, or as much as you were yesterday.
Head over to Messenger for a second and click on the link that Bob sent you about farts and mint scented underwear and then message your mom “I’m sorry I haven’t called but it’s been crazy over here this week” and then hop back to your feed to zoom in on Jessica’s new pregnant belly to see if she’s showing before you were when you were 16 weeks. Decide that you looked about the same but your bum was probably a bit bigger.
Let my Elephant journal link take you to an article on sex positions that makes you forget whatever you were doing (you were cooking, and now all the food is burning and Callum is crying and hanging onto your leg but it doesn’t matter because all of a sudden you’re reading an article on sex positions). Shit. Your mom just messaged you back but now you smell the food burning so please put the phone down to flip the burgers but make it quick, okay? You might miss some suuuuper important stuff here.
Your mom can see that you read her message because it says “read at 4:49” and now you’re riddled with guilt that you aren’t responding. But c’mon, you’re doing honourable things like making dinner for your family and figuring out new sex positions which will ultimately make you happy and she wants you to be happy, right? Which means you should probably keep scrolling through the feed to find more exciting things.
But oh no!!! It’s now 5:09 and you have to be out the door in 10 seconds but at least you got to laugh at a video about farts and mint underwear (which is totally hilarious, by the way, and much appreciated so please Bob, send Suzy fart videos anytime!) and find out about new sex positions and compare your previously pregnant body to some other random pregnant person’s body which is all super important and not a waste of time whatsoever said nobody ever.
Love at all times of the day and night,