I feel like 99% of you really “get” me. And if you don’t, that just means that I need to learn how to be a better writer, because obviously things get lost in translation. So to fill in the gaps between my amateur writing ability and the realm of a little thing I like to call “reality,” I will list off a few things that need to be said. You know, just in case.
Just because I write “fuck” on my blog doesn’t mean I say fuck all day long every day at my own fucking leisure. But then again, maybe it does. If it bothers you then you can read someone else’s
really boring much more gifted posts.
Just because I write Woozy Wednesday posts about boozy drinks and tasty alcoholic treats doesn’t mean I’m an alcoholic. If you only knew what I would give to be able to fuck off out of here once a week for AA meetings where I’d get to sit still for an hour straight, sip coffee that’s actually hot while I take care of my emotional needs and be able to visit the loo alone without a toddler trying to peek behind my bum at the poo in the toilet, right before he empties an entire bag of cotton balls and $300 worth of contact lenses all over the floor while I’m helplessly unarmed. But I can’t, because I’m not a fucking alcoholic. Maybe I will be one day! Who knows. Shit happens. But writing about alcohol makes me an alcoholic just as much as a food blogger is overweight and dying of heart disease.
Just because I swear and drink doesn’t mean I don’t have a relationship with Jesus Santa God. It doesn’t mean that I don’t pray, or that I don’t want to go to church, or that I don’t read the Bible, or that I don’t give a fuck about my faith (MY faith, not your faith. MINE); It simply means that Jesus thinks my morality is so deep in the shitter that swearing and drinking is the least of His worries. I’d rather fucking love the person I’m sitting beside at a bar, even if they’re an overweight food blogger dying of heart disease.
Just because my BMI is 19% doesn’t mean it got there by running a zillion miles per week. It means that my life is stressful, and I happen to not be the kind of person that stress-eats. Lucky me, I don’t know. Whatever. I run a zillion miles a week because it helps me manage my anxiety issues without having to take a bunch of medication. And just because I don’t take a bunch of medication doesn’t mean that I won the war on anxiety. It just means that I don’t take a bunch of medication. And if I ever have to take a bunch of medication, it doesn’t mean I lost the war on anxiety. It just means I take a bunch of medication.
You’d think this would be basic knowledge, but I think it’s easy to get caught up in blogland and forget that this is life art, not life life. If you want to follow me around and see what it’s really like to be Suzy, I would love the company! Just make sure you bring some paper towel, a bottle or two of wine, and a tetanus shot.