I’m in a super bad mood and anything that I put down here will probably leave a bit of a mark.
Do you ever feel red hot rage? Where your outsides look normal to the casual observer but your insides are black, acidic, smoking balls of murderous evil? I do. And in order to cope, I do this thing where I detach a bit, like I leave my body and walk backwards out of it with my hands raised and my eyebrows arched in a “whoa, get me out of here” position. Without attention, the embers burn out and the rage haze settles like dust at my feet and only then do I dare to venture back into the deserted frame of my body.
Now, I’m not talking about righteous anger here–I’m talking about irrational emotional implosion. Nobody did anything to deserve my wrath, which is precisely why it feels so ragey. I want space, I want time to myself, I want to do the things that I want to do, I want it now and when I don’t get it, I lose my shit. Not all the time, of course, or I’d be in jail. Just once in a while, enough to make me human.
I already know what I have to do–I know, I know, I know. Don’t preach. I need to get some fresh air, and when the kids go to bed I probably need to sit alone in a dark room, close my eyes and listen to a heartbeat app or something with birds chirping and waves in the background. And then curl up into Andrew’s arms and have a cry, a shag, and a cigarette.
I actually already feel better just typing this all out. How about that?!
Do you guys ever feel like this?
What would be something that triggers a rage haze for you?
If you could be any animal at all, which one would you choose?
Have you ever farted on anyone or had them fart on you?
I just heard Andrew put Callum into a time-out upstairs and sternly say, “You do NOT fart on people; it’s NOT okay.”