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For A Reason

Postpartum anxiety isn’t such a bad thing. I know, I know. It’s a crazy statement to make. But hold on! Think about how seemingly magical pregnancy and childbirth can be, right? All the systems and orders from the microscopic to the ordinary, from the smudged lipstick to the stitches, from the stretch marks to the stretched hearts.

So we sit perfectly poised in those satin covered dining chairs at the baby showers and we shake our heads and smile, we shrug, we don’t know how our hearts grew but they just did. We don’t know how we got through all that heartburn, that labour and delivery, but we did. We don’t know how we were/are able to bear such a love like this but we do, but meanwhile, as we’re scooping up our spinach dip and nibbling on our crustless egg salad sandwiches, our hormones are doing their own thing: they’re gathering their troops and preparing a savage takeover.

But you know what that looks like? Sleepless nights, panic attacks, dark thoughts that push through rationality like douchebags in a high school hallway.

Which sucks.

But just like loose joints open our hips for childbirth and breast engorgement works itself into a turkey dinner style meal for our babies, postpartum anxiety exists for a reason. While uncomfortable and downright painful, it serves to keep our babies alive. Because there is nothing more dangerous than a postpartum mother.

 

{ 13 comments… add one }
  • Sheila October 26, 2017, 8:44 pm

    I really do love the “stretched hearts”!!!! Tomorrow I’m going to go put a SUZY over that bear picture.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 27, 2017, 7:24 pm

      Make room for a lot of hair.

  • Aimie C October 26, 2017, 9:27 pm

    From a fellow postpartum anxiety sufferer…this post is just brilliant. I love the way you have put it into words. It makes sense to me…It just does. And man does it suck. But we get through it and on the other side we look back and feel that heart bursting love for our little ones. And it all makes sense somehow.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 27, 2017, 7:24 pm

      That’s the thing that I hold onto, in the middle of the night when my heart is pounding and I feel fucking psycho: that there IS the other side, and that I will come out, and that I’m not alone. xo

  • Allie Capo-Burdick October 27, 2017, 2:48 am

    I’m so glad you are finding the GOOD in the post-pardum anxiety. I also wish I had this same attitude 9 years ago when the twins were born!!
    xoxo

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 27, 2017, 7:23 pm

      Well, you caught me in a good moment because I spend the majority of my time in the mood dumpster. xoxo

  • Gretchen October 27, 2017, 5:07 am

    I never thought of it like that, but that makes perfect sense. I always feel like things we feel and what we do happens for a reason and has a biological purpose. How did you get so smart?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 27, 2017, 7:22 pm

      Cheap red wine, babyyyyyyy!

  • Kimberly October 27, 2017, 6:25 am

    And this is why I love your blog. Once again you have managed to express yourself in a dazzling way! Your words are mesmerizing and spot on!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 27, 2017, 7:22 pm

      Kim, I am certain that this is the very first time ever in the whole wide world that anyone has ever used the word “dazzling” to describe me! I’m celebrating with fireball and Coke Zero.

      Ha. But honestly, thank you. Your words are SO incredibly kind.

  • Susie @ Suzlyfe October 27, 2017, 7:43 am

    I’m highly likely to get PPD, now I have to work about getting PPA? Fun.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com October 27, 2017, 7:21 pm

      It blows.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets October 28, 2017, 10:50 am

    Amen.

    Beautifully written. I love this. Every word, especially douche bag.

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