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Fresh Shart

Initially, I had texted Jon about wakeboards, but we ended up having the best conversation about nutrition and healthy-living, which is totally ironic, because I’m pretty sure that when we hung out in our teen years we existed on weed, ketchup chips and whiskey. Now we’re old AF with responsibilities like, oh, children, while trying super hard not to get heart disease and die. He gave me an idea for a high-protein breakfast (2 ingredient pancakes made with banana and egg) and I sent him a link to a website with a bunch of salad recipes.

Inspired, I ended up snatching up some organic kale, apples and carrots so that I can juice the longevity out of that shit after my long run on Monday. Sure, I’ll probably back it up with 4 Coronas and some hot wings, but the liver needs a workout too, no?

I juiced enough kale to feed the hippies at Burning Man along with one apple, and all I got was a couple dribbles of juice.


I don’t think I could have choked down more than that much greenery anyway.


After slamming it back, I washed the juicer, packed it neatly back into the crawlspace for the next year or so, and placed my boxed red wine in its rightful spot on the kitchen counter.

It’s that time of year for fresh starts with school back in and sports starting back up and so it’s the perfect time to revamp our eating habits, organize our cupboards and clean the carcinogenic oil byproducts off our shelves.

It sure sounds like a lot of work. I may need a beer to get me through the process, just as soon as I stop burping kale.

Do you do juice? What’s your favourite combo?

Have you ever been to a hippie music festival?



{ 25 comments… add one }
  • Steve August 30, 2016, 5:43 pm

    I went and saw the Grateful Dead. Pretty sure that counts as a hippy music festival. It was awesome. I like juicing stuff but I’m kind of lazy. If someone makes it for me I’ll drink it. I like pineapples.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 30, 2016, 5:56 pm

      Pineapples are good but they make my mouth sore! Juicing takes so much work and it makes such a mess.

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run August 30, 2016, 5:46 pm

    I am so not a juicer. Mostly because I like to eat/chew my calories! But I understand how it can be a great way for those who want to quickly get a lot of calories and nutrients from fruits and veggies without having to eat them!

    I really slacked on veggies this summer. I ate a lot of corn but that is it. My garden was shit!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 30, 2016, 6:00 pm

      I can’t eat kale because it gives me stomach cramps so bad that I legit end up in the ER. So the only way I can get the nutrients is by juicing the motherfucker.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes August 30, 2016, 8:21 pm

    I don’t like juice, but that’s probably because I’m a volume eater. Veggies work best when I can eat a huge plate of them. But I’m all for having a box of fermented grape juice on the counter. Antioxidants!
    Kale makes my stomach hurt though. I like the taste of it but just can’t easily digest cruciferous vegetables.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 30, 2016, 9:28 pm

      I’ll swallow it but I certainly don’t like the taste of it. It’s all medicinal.

    • Susie @ SuzLyfe August 31, 2016, 4:08 am

      TOTALLY AGREE. To all.
      Right now I am doing the protein smoothie dance, but I am not a juicer. That ish is not my jam

      • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 7:27 am

        Yeah, it just makes a huge mess and a lot of work.

  • Lisa @ Running Out of Wine August 31, 2016, 1:49 am

    I make smoothies but not juice. I don’t even really know what the difference is but I guess smoothies are thicker and sweeter? Sometimes I drink Naked green juice just because its convenient, and we get it on amazon fresh so the price isn’t too terrible. I used to use kale in smoothies but now I just stick with spinach, just out of habit.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 7:31 am

      Juices pack a nutritional punch without all the extra roughage. I’ve seen those naked green juices–maybe I’ll just try that next time I feel the need for a green juice!

  • Allie August 31, 2016, 2:58 am

    I’ve been to more Grateful Dead concerts then I would like to admit so, yes, I can totally understand you. That seems like A LOT of kale. Don’t send your liver into shock this close to the marathon 🙂

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 7:30 am

      I’m not sure why it takes so much kale to squeeze out such little juice. It was a bit frustrating and expensive!

  • Denny August 31, 2016, 3:09 am

    Those banana/egg pancakes are a HUGE favorite at our house! Simple to make, and the bananas add enough sweetness that syrup isn’t necessary. What seems to work best for us is putting the bananas in the freezer after they’ve browned a bit beyond the point of eating them normally. Then when you’re ready for pancakes, put the banana in the microwave for 35 seconds. Then mash it in a bowl, mix in a couple of eggs, and you’re good to go!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 7:29 am

      This is such good news, because we have so many bananas in the freezer right now!

  • Russ August 31, 2016, 6:40 am

    I don’t do hippy music or hippy music festivals.

    I do use my nutribullet nearly every day – except the days I just need biscuits and gravy. Spinach, kale, orange, pineapple, chia seed, flax seed. Sometimes banana and blueberry instead of orange & pineapple.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 7:27 am

      So you blend that all together, right? Not juice? I used to drink a lot of green smoothies: spinach, orange, blueberries. I felt so great when I did that, and it doesn’t make such a giant mess the way the juicer does.

  • San August 31, 2016, 10:30 am

    I am so impressed by your juicing efforts. If that was your first time juicing, you’re way ahead of me. I’ve never tried (I mean, except for squeezing out an orange for some fresh orange juice) 🙂
    I am more of a smoothie person.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 12:21 pm

      Don’t even bother. It makes a HUGE ASS MESS on the counter AND your pants. Ha ha jk.

  • Amy Lauren August 31, 2016, 11:11 am

    When I saw this in the reader, I thought it said “Fresh Start”, then got to the post and found it said “Fresh Shart”.

    Congratulations, you’ve learned what green juice does to you :).

  • Nikki August 31, 2016, 1:25 pm

    I HAAAAAAAAAATE KAAAAAALLLLLE!!!!! Like, blech. I tried being a juicer once. I wasn’t a fan. I like smoothies, but then I put more fruit than veggies, which = too much sugar and now it’s not even healthy for you…
    Plus I like to chew things. Like a dog. So I’d rather chew my food than drink it. Except grapes! I’d rather drink grapes. 😉
    P.s. I hardly ate any veggies the last week we were on vacay, and today, I ate so many veggies that I pooped 5 times. Ando it’s still only 4:30…speed workout is gonna be fun tonight.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 6:17 pm

      I totally relate. I’ll go for days, weeks without eating veggies and then in some sort of sick effort to make up for lost time I will eat 8 heads of broccoli and land myself in the ER.

  • Ange // Cowgirl Runs August 31, 2016, 3:45 pm

    While I own a juicer, I haven’t used it in years, so I really should just sell the dang thing.
    I figure I eat veggies, so I don’t always need to drink them, though I will purchase a $10 fancy juice on occasion. Ugh.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com August 31, 2016, 6:15 pm

      The only reason I drink them is because my body doesn’t digest them! But it’s so much work that I think I’d rather just drink beer.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets September 3, 2016, 6:12 am

    This is why I’d much rather have a smoothie: more substance and you can pack it with fruit to overpower it’s kaleness. 🙂

    Also, two ingredient pancakes: yuck. Granted I’ve haven’t tried it, but give me flour, some milk and a dab of sugar in there. Again I need my sustenance.

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