Just when I forget about my anxiety disorder, I get hit with insomnia. I very rarely have trouble sleeping; Even when my life goes to shit, I can still collapse into bed and get a solid 7 hours of sleep. I’d like to say it’s as simple as running and staying busy throughout the day, but I know that realistically, it took years of therapy and re-training my mind to get to this point. But once in a while, I have trouble sleeping.
Last night was that time. It came out of nowhere, too, which is the nature of anxiety.
I set my alarm for 5:45 so that I could drive Jake to work. Andrew and I went to bed at a decent hour of about 11, but then I woke up at 2am to have a wee and then I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had farts, Callum was in bed beside us, Andrew was snoring, the fan was making a weird noise and my brain was performing emotional handsprings in my head. I went downstairs, had a cookie and a glass of milk (ho ho ho) and then climbed back into bed. No dice. Callum was kicking me so I climbed into his toddler bed beside our bed to try sleeping there. Still no dice.
I finally climbed back into bed and just practiced the art of letting go, where I don’t fight the anxiety anymore; I let it take me over, and honestly, that is key. As soon as I cried mercy to it, when I finally came to terms with and accepted the fact that I will probably only get 3 hours of sleep that night, I could move on to the next stage of stating the truth that I will not die from getting 3 hours of sleep. That I will survive, and life will go on.
Then? I fell asleep, and woke up engulfed in fart.
Anyone get woken up by your own farts? Someone else’s farts?
Insomniac? How do you deal?