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No Photos, No Cry

This is going to be one of those brain dump posts, which will be entertaining at best, or land me in jail at worst. Or maybe that’s best. I could use the solitude and the jail sex would be exciting. Canadian jail would be pretty tame. We might sip out of chipped tea cups and eat grade “B” beef. We’d apologize for an obnoxious sneeze, and the corrections officers would apologize while they’d whip us. Would we even get whipped, or do they not do those things anymore? Things have changed a lot over the years. They’d probably just take away our wifi for the day.

I’m going to my cousin’s baby shower this weekend and I can’t tell you guys how much I love shower food. Isn’t it simply the best? They have a little boy Callum’s age and they just had a little girl. I can’t wait to meet her!!! I think someone should throw me a fifth baby shower. HA HA! Totally kidding. Can you imagine? I think everyone would just bring gift bags filled with condoms.

Katie and I and Callum headed to an outdoor mall to pick up some gifts for my cousin’s baby and after we bought some adorable clothes, Callum joined the masses of children on the playground there and burned off some energy before bed. He tore around the play area, climbing, laughing, having a good old time until one of the bigger kids knocked him over onto the ground. Callum wasn’t hurt but hot DAMN he was pissed off. The kid came unglued. After I peeled him off the rubber ground, he covered his face with his hands and had a bit of a cry. And then? He swiveled his torso around, faced the kid that knocked him over and Callum screamed at the top. of. his. lungs. A mad scream. Like someone was being murdered. And then he put up one of his hands into a stop position and yelled, “STOP IT” at the kid. The mother took the boy’s hand and left the playground. It was a bit embarrassing, but I gotta give Callum props for assertiveness. Preschool is going to be a treat.

Brandy has a spa appointment tomorrow morning at 9. Well, not a spa. She’s getting shampooed by a lady that sounds like she smokes about 3 packs a day. When she asked for Brandy’s name, I spelled it out and she says, “Oh, Brandy like the alcohol, not the stripper.” I’m like, “Oh! How do you spell Brandy the stripper?” and she replies “With an ‘i’ not a ‘y’.” Hey. You learn something new every day. I picked up a cat carrier at the pet store today and they had a cat there with the hugest testicles I have ever seen. I so badly wanted to take a picture but I didn’t know if the cat was underage or not. I couldn’t remember if cat years are multiplied by 7 or 9 or what. Too risky. Although, now we’re back to the jail scene.

I think I need my wifi taken away for the day. At least.

 

{ 21 comments… add one }
  • Lisa @ Mile by Mile April 21, 2017, 1:58 am

    Hmm I never would have known about the spelling of Brandi/Brandy lol. And poor Callum! Its awesome that he was able to tell the boy to stop! But I sure everyone could have done without the screaming:)

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 7:20 am

      My left ear is still ringing from it.

  • meredith (The Cookie ChRUNicles April 21, 2017, 2:20 am

    cracking me up yet again. can you take a picture of the lady who does the shampooing next time? lol. Good for Callum for wanting to defend himself!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 7:20 am

      I can’t WAIT to see what she looks like!!! Regardless, she’s going to have to work some magic because Brandy does NOT take to getting brushed.

  • Susie @ Suzlyfe April 21, 2017, 4:01 am

    This is why I love you. So hard. (and yes, in the naughty hard way :D)

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 7:19 am

      Rawr. xo

  • Jen April 21, 2017, 4:08 am

    BAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m ashamed to say I was thinking “oh you’d spell it with an i” before you even got to it lol. The cat lady sounds…interesting.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 7:19 am

      I can’t wait to meet her today!

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home April 21, 2017, 6:01 am

    We had a hamster once with ginormous testicles. They were bigger than his head. I don’t even know how he walked around with those things, much less escaped from his cage every night. I think he wanted to go wilding and show off his goods to all the mice in the basement.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 7:19 am

      I hope you took photos. This cat is on tap to get neutered today and I told the lady that worked there that she should take before pics, because his adopted family will definitely want to see what he had going on before they met him!

  • Helly April 21, 2017, 6:37 am

    I know a Brandi with an “i” and it’s hilarious to think she may be a stripper in her other (more secret) life, lol!!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 7:18 am

      Ha ha ha! I was nervous to write that out because I didn’t want to offend anyone named Brandi!

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run April 21, 2017, 8:26 am

    Baby shower food IS good. I really do not like wedding OR baby showers BUT I will say that it is nice to eat yummy food.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 9:11 pm

      Hell yeah, like the spinach dip, the chocolate fountain, I LOVE IT ALL.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes April 21, 2017, 9:46 am

    I love your posts like this – you crack me up! One of our neighbors has a big lab that hasn’t been fixed yet, and Charlie creepily sniffs the other dog’s testicles. I think he was super confused about why he didn’t have them.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 9:07 pm

      HA HA! Those would be some golden sniffs.

  • Ana April 21, 2017, 1:07 pm

    ja ja jaja!! OmG! the inappropriate cat ball pictures!

    Good for Callum!!

    We can throw you a virtual baby shower! Where we all eat our food and drink our beers… Is there anything you need for the baby?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 9:07 pm

      YES!!!!!! The baby needs a brand new imported bottle of tequila!

  • San April 21, 2017, 8:24 pm

    Who’s Brandi the stripper? 😉

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com April 21, 2017, 9:10 pm

      She has narrow feet, loves eating sushi and going shopping with her mom, and is allergic to pastrami.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets April 23, 2017, 11:58 am

    I can’t wait until Callum hits the preschool circuit. He can bring Brandi with an i in for show and tell. 🙂

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