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Blended family, my ass. It’s an oxymoron, like the living dead or being alone together. I dove into this new way of life thinking it was going to be so much different than it is. I mean, I researched blended families and read the sobering truth about how it takes an average of seven years to actually blend a family but I didn’t think it would actually take seven years. How hard could it be?


Sure, I know some blended families that share their soup spoons and don’t want each other dead, but they’re the exception to the rule.

Each Friday I’d write a post about blended family life but that got dropped pretty quick; I can’t exactly string out our kids’ personal lives like an arts and crafts display, especially when the blood and guts leave such bad stains. Okay, it’s not that bad. I promise. I’m just trying to make the point that it can be a pretty messy and difficult deal. Callum struggles with being the only one that doesn’t leave and come back (although Kylah stays here full-time now too, but she’s in and out with school and sports). I feel so bad for him sometimes. The house will be empty and Callum asks, begs me for (mostly) Katie, and everyone else, one name at a time. It breaks my mama heart. He even asks for Jason’s dog Dylan, the poor kid. I guess the cat just doesn’t do it for him.

But hey. Maybe it’s not exactly a blended family, but it’s still a family. Fragmented, pieced together by blood, sweat and tears, if not directly then indirectly through me or through Andrew. Like a chain, a rope with knots, with love as the constant variable that acts as the only choice between here and there.

How many oxymorons did you detect?

Give me an example of a good oxymoron!

{ 21 comments… add one }
  • Lisa @ Mile by Mile March 3, 2017, 2:10 am

    Your questions require too much thinking for this early in the morning and not enough coffee yet. But I could imagine its a challenge and from what you share it sounds like you are doing really great. I’m sure its tough for Callum but maybe as he gets older he will start to understand more.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 11:25 am

      Yeah, it’s a far reach for 5am, no doubt. It’s more of an evening read after a glass or two of wine. 😉

  • Allie Capo-Burdick March 3, 2017, 2:50 am

    As a woman living with a “blended family” I couldn’t agree with you more. I don’t write about my stepson at all because he’s 21 now and I respect his privacy. But hell yes it’s super messy and ridiculously hard and all that blending is pretty much bullshit since it’s mostly separation and fights and battles and blah….and then a lot of love.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 11:24 am

      I didn’t realize you have a stepson! So cool! I love how you added “and then a lot of love” at the end. Because it is the truth. Love doesn’t always feel good and peaceful!

  • Susie @ Suzlyfe March 3, 2017, 3:26 am

    I never even considered that Callum would have a problem or even think about the fact that he didn’t also leave and return. Oh geez.
    Life is a oxymoron, in my opinion. Obviously not the word, but the concept and living of it.
    It’s too early for oxymorons, but give me a moment, and I’ll come up with a few that are seriously funny (da dum)

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 11:23 am

      You mean life is one big eye-roll, right? SPOT ON.

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home March 3, 2017, 4:11 am

    My dad always uses his favorite oxymorons: “semi-boneless ham” and “jumbo shrimp”….

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 11:23 am

      Jumbo shrimp is a good one! Yum.

  • Amy Lauren March 3, 2017, 5:12 am

    I never thought about Callum’s situation with the other kids leaving and returning and him not. I think when he gets older he will understand it. Also totally think this is 100% representative of real family life, thank you always for keeping it real and not sugarcoating your blog to be like one of those model bloggers.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 11:22 am

      Yes, it’s a weird feeling to have everyone leave and then it’s just Andrew, Callum and I. He’s like an only child but still within a large chaotic family. It’s definitely an interesting dynamic!

  • Tami Griffiths March 3, 2017, 5:29 am

    I grew up blended myself after 7, but no one left and came back, my mom was widowed and the step sisters were old enough to do whatever but stayed with us…. it was a messy place by all means with 5 teenagers, one 7 year old and not a lot of happy people… I look back now and realize that it molded me into the person that I am… the good the bad the ugly…. it was my path I was to walk, and by golly I think (I do?) that I came out on the other side ok! I don’t use it as an excuse for things, it’s just my path…. I got bonus siblings, from that nieces and nephews, aunts uncles and grandparents…. all in all, I was one lucky person to have walked that path… you guys are doing amazing with your family… don’t doubt yourself… smile hug and be supportive… your the bomb!!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 11:22 am

      So, you were the youngest? You were like a Callum, then, right? Well, I adore who you are now and really respect your attitude and outlook on life, so someone must have done something right along the line somewhere! Thanks for your encouragement. That means a lot to me! I wish we could see each other again soon!

      • Tami Griffiths March 6, 2017, 6:32 pm

        I am Callum!! And I like to think I came out all good! ? Some may tell you different ? No just kidding! I think it gave me a lot of compassion, understanding, forgiveness, but a hell of a lot of strength as well!! I wish we could see each other to! We could yap for hours!! ?

  • Ana March 3, 2017, 7:57 am

    Maybe this is not an oxymoron, but I dislike when people say “if we are being honest” … I am that awful person who always speaks bluntly and will always be honest.

    Aww, poor Callum!! Tell him you will send him to me for a few days, he would love Pennsylvania and my son would love him and playing with all the trains.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 11:20 am

      It’s a red flag for me when someone says, “Well, to be honest…” because then I question everything else that comes out of their mouth.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets March 3, 2017, 11:30 am

    We didn’t become a blended family until after all the kids were out of the house, meaning my father remarried later in life. Becoming a blended family as adults is interesting. On one hand, you’re an adult so you act like one (mostly). On the other hand, you tolerate behavior you wouldn’t from your blood siblings because you were never raised with your step siblings.

    I’ll take Callum. 🙂

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 3:49 pm

      Such an interesting perspective! Like a wise woman once told me… we all have something. <3

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run March 3, 2017, 2:02 pm

    I was talking with a coworker today and she said her husband DVRs Hee-Haw. I said, I think that is an oxymoron!!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 3, 2017, 3:43 pm

      Oh my!!! Good one!

  • Helly on the Run March 6, 2017, 5:59 pm

    We’re not a blended family but we also go through the sadness of everyone leaving expect us (me and lil Ben). Everyday he cries for his daddy and sister and is sad that he has no one to play with (because playing with mommy gets old super quick).

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 6, 2017, 6:05 pm

      Oh yeah! That’s true! My two oldest boys are 20 months apart so they would go to school and then Katie, who is over 3 and 4 years younger than them would LOVE getting rid of them during the day so that she could have me to herself! Ha ha! All these different little (big) personalities! I love it.

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