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A Day In The Life

I need to come up with something way more creative than “A Day in the Life.” I’m usually good at titles. I blame sleep deprivation and a lack of wine intake.

Friday, September 22

Jesse was wide awake at 5:30, so I brought him downstairs, ate a couple of granola bars, had a cup of coffee and then once I got Jesse back down to sleep, I hopped onto the treadmill and ran an easy 7 miles. The kids don’t have school today so I figured I should get my run over with before everyone woke up. I was 4 miles in when Callum came into the garage, so I gave him Katie’s old iPod, made him some breakfast and poured him some juice and set him up on the couch. I was able to finish my run by 8:15, have a shower, make myself a decent cup of coffee and type this out and it’s only 8:40! I can hear Katie up right now, but Freddy will stay sleeping until much later.

I emptied the dishwasher, threw a load of laundry into the wash, and got Jesse’s diaper bag filled and put the stroller into the van. I have to take Jesse to the doctor later today to get his jaundice checked out and Jake has an appointment nearby (both offices are in Fort Langley) so I have to make sure we are all prepared and stocked up.

The day ended up taking a nosedive. We dropped Freddy off at his friend’s house on our way to the doctor and then when it was time for the appointment, Jake and Katie walked into town to grab some coffees and snacks. Jesse is still a bit jaundice which is not normal for being nearly 4 weeks old, so the doctor wrote up a rec for blood work. He’s gaining weight like a champ, so we just need to rule out any sort of underlying red blood disorder. It’s probably nothing, but I will obsess about it until we find out the results.

My mom met us there to give Jake his birthday card, and then I dropped Katie off at Jason’s work (everyone is nearby in Langley), grabbed some lunch with Jake and Callum and Jesse, picked Katie back up, and then hit the park near the doctor’s office where Jake’s appointment was at. His appointment was at 3, so with it being 2:30, we had half an hour for Katie and Callum to play at the park and me to feed Jesse. Well, when it was time to go in, Callum had climbed into the van and pressed a bunch of buttons and ended up setting the alarm on the van which would be no big deal except my fob has been missing a battery since forever so when Katie opened the doors from the inside, the horn alarm started going off and it wouldn’t stop. The doctor office shares a parking lot with a preschool and so there were massive amounts of moms and preschoolers coming and going, staring and covering their ears while my van went off, while Callum wailed, and while I scrambled around trying to figure out what to do.

Then a guy strolled up to the van and told me he’s a mechanic and asked me if I wanted help. Yes, I did want help. He took the fuse out of the something or other which made the horn stop but then my van was stuck in park. So he put the fuse back in, I started the van, it started honking, I put it into drive and then he took the fuse out and told me to drive straight home. So we had to get Jake out of his appointment (THAT WE HAVE WAITED FOREVER FOR), drive the 45 minute drive back to Abbotsford in Friday afternoon rush-hour traffic ON NO GAS. If Jesse started to cry, I wouldn’t be able to stop because I wouldn’t be able to put the van into park and take it back out again.

I cried, and I cried hard. I cried when the van was honking, I cried when the mechanic kid came to help me, I cried when I got Jake out of his appointment, I cried while I drove all the way to Honda, I cried in their service office, I cried when they fixed it for me, I cried when we were stuck in traffic again, when I had to pull over to feed Jesse, when I saw his diaper was full and I ran out of wipes, when I realized I forgot to pick up Freddy, when I came to terms with the fact that Katie would miss dance, when I called Andrew and found out he had been at home with his kids all day and could have taken Callum, I cried harder and harder and harder and I couldn’t stop.

I’m the type of person that gets great satisfaction from getting myself out of difficult situations. In fact I find it so rewarding that I often make a situation chaotic on purpose just for the thrill of figuring out how to fix it. This was not one of those times. At one point when the horn was honking and my littles were crying, I held my face in my hands and wailed, “I GIVE UP!!!! I GIVE UP I GIVE UP I GIVE UP!!!” while Katie bit her own lip in an effort to stay strong, bless her heart.

I’m tired as fuck. And when I get tired, I get irrational. Add some postpartum hormones to the mix and things get pretty ugly. It’s one thing to be tired for a couple of days and another thing entirely to have this sleep deprivation carry on for weeks, or months. I know of someone close to me who has had sleep deprivation for many, many years because of what’s required of her as a parent to a special needs child.

It was a shitty day, but not the shittiest. I have perspective. There were a few highlights of the day in there that we otherwise wouldn’t have experienced. So, that’s a yay. I told Jake’s doctor, “I’ll be able to laugh about this one day, right?” and he goes, “You can laugh about it right now!” And so I did. It was a bit of a laugh-cry, but I’ll take it.

I recall having wine for dinner, and I definitely skipped out on vegetables that day. Jason brought Freddy home for me that night, which was awesome. I went to sleep at 8:30, and although Jesse got up all night long, at least I had some sleep pieced together in there somewhat.

What should I call these posts?

The Daily Runs

The Runs on Paper

The Runs Go Down


Mileage Monday

Hey guys! I won’t be around here very much for a bit while we’re in the throes of newborn baby land, but I will keep putting up my Mileage Monday posts as well as a post here and there as I get time and inspiration! I actually have a Day in the Life post ready to go so I’ll slap that up tomorrow or something.

As far as my mileage last week went, I cranked out 73 miles for the week and broken down, looks like this:

Monday– All on the treadmill, the first 5 miles done at an 8 min/mile pace, a break to have some friends over, and then 7 miles in the afternoon, with 3 at 7:40 pace, 2 at 7:30 pace, with 2 cool down miles to make 12 total for the day.

Tuesday– I did 10 miles on the treadmill at an 8:34 min/mile pace while Jesse napped and while Callum was in preschool, and then Andrew and I took Jesse and Callum for stroller rides/runs in the evening sun. We only went 3 miles and we went slow and took lots of walk breaks.

Wednesday– Just an easy little jaunt on the treadmill (10 miles) while Jesse napped and while Callum drew all over the garage floor with chalk.

Thursday– Progression run, trying to fit it in while Callum was at preschool. I ran 3 miles with Jesse in the stroller and then 7 on the treadmill (5 miles at 8 min pace, 2 miles at 7:30 pace) to make 10 for the day.

Friday– Treadmill recovery at 9:13 pace for 8 miles!

Saturday– I got out with Callum in the stroller this morning! I SO needed the fresh air. We only had time for 4 miles, but it was heavenly. I ran a slow 6 miles later on in the day on the treadmill while Jesse napped. Marathon race pace tempo run on tap for tomorrow!

Sunday– SUPER HAPPY about how this went! I pumped a bottle and then headed out for my marathon race pace tempo run. 1 warm-up mile, 7 miles in 6:44, 6:46, 6:48, 6:50, 6:49, 6:46, 6:38 and 2 mile cool down for 10 miles total.

What’s new with you guys? Tell me what’s going on!!!


Mileage Monday

Hot DAMN what a week of training! I am so SO surprised at what my body can do so soon! I’m still several pounds above my normal weight, plus I’ve lost a lot of muscle tone, and add in the fact that I’m recovering from having a baby and completely sleep deprived, I should technically not be able to hit these paces! A few weeks ago you would have heard me whisper to Andrew that I won’t be hitting a sub-3 in Phoenix, just because it seems so far away fitness-wise from where I was at. But now? Honestly? It’s within reach. It’s deffffffinitely within reach.

I managed a 72 mile week this week with a few SOLID workouts. Really, really solid ones. I’m still in my pre-training training cycle, so I know it’s early, but I’m already surpassing what I had originally penciled into the calendar. I’m really happy with how things are going. Here’s how it all went down:

Monday– All at an 8:34 pace, I warmed up, then ran 4 sets of: 3 minutes at 2% incline, flat for 3 min, then 2 min at 4% incline, then flat for 2 min then 1 min at 6% incline. The hill workout is originally from Allie at VitaTrain4Life posted on Laura’s This Runner’s Recipes website. Cooled down to make 10 miles total.

Tuesday– First, I did 8 miles (3 on the treadmill, 5 outside while Callum was at preschool, Jesse was napping and Andrew was working from home) and then later on, because I had some time, I did my 2 miles at half marathon race pace (6:30 min/miles) with 1 mile warm up and 1 mile cool down to make 12 miles total for the day.

Wednesday– It was tough to keep the pace slow because I knew that Jesse would wake up and I wanted to get it done before he did, but I knew it was more important that I take it easy. So I did 7 miles on the treadmill at 8:45 min/mile pace.

Oh, and edited to add: I did strength work in the afternoon, and everyone was pissing me off so I jumped on the treadmill for 3 miles and alternated an 8 min pace with a 6:49 min pace, 2 minutes hard, 2 minutes easy, for 10 total miles for the day. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW.

Thursday– I ran 5 miles at 8 min pace, 3 miles at 7:40 pace, and the last 2 miles at 7:30 pace.

Friday– Just a slow, super early 7 miles on the treadmill at a 9:13 min/mile pace while listening to the Rob Bell podcast on wisdom. It was pretty good. Jesse was up at 5:30 and by the time I got him back down at 6:30 I decided to just get my run over with because the kids don’t have school today and we have a couple of appointments to go to.

Edited to add: I had the day from hell that day. I’ll write about it in another post.

Saturday– Well, at first I did 7 miles on the treadmill in the morning while Jesse napped. I took it easy and stuck to a 9 min mile pace while listening to Lindsey Hein’s podcast. Then after Freddy’s soccer game, I pumped a couple of ounces and Andrew stayed with the littlest two boys and I took off for my marathon race pace tempo run. The schedule (pre-marathon training training plan) called for 3 miles, but I did 4 last week so I shot for 5, but I felt so good at 5 miles so I did 6! I warmed up for a mile, did 6 miles in: 6:38, 6:47, 6:46, 6:46, 6:48, 6:41 and then “cooled down” for 2 miles, up a huge hill. I hit 16 miles total for the day, and finished it off with Indian food. I can’t stop sweating.

Sunday– Just an easy 9:13 pace on the treadmill for 7 miles.

Have you guys recently had a day that was just a complete gong show? Did you cry? Publicly?

What do you do when you have days like that? Like, what soothes you? What helps you feel better?


A Day in the Life

Monday, September 18th

Had a pretty decent sleep. Sunday night consisted of cluster feeding Jesse and dealing with him fussing and spitting up for three hours! He’s usually only awake for an hour, maybe an hour and a half, so I was praying that he’d give me a longer stretch. He did! The last time I fed him was at 9, and he didn’t wake up to feed until 1:30! Then he went right back to sleep, ate again at 4:30 and then at 6:30. So I got over 8 hours of (broken) sleep and it felt AMAZING. He went back to sleep after the 6:30am feed but I stayed awake. I came downstairs, made coffee, emptied the dishwasher, logged into my kids’ school accounts and paid all the student and graduation fees and now it’s 7am and I just started up this post. My older kids aren’t here, but Andrew’s kids are awake and I can hear Callum upstairs.

Jesse woke up so I fed him, made Callum some peanut butter and jam toast on Mack’s Flax bread. I ate the crusts. He ate the whole thing and wanted more so I made him another one and ate the crusts on that one too. He didn’t end up touching that sandwich so I ate it.

Everyone else left for work and school and Jesse fussed around a bit so I kept feeding him, burping him and changing him and finally got him to sleep at around 10. I hopped onto the treadmill for a workout while Callum watched Madagascar in his pajamas and played playdough. I just finished, I’m going to get Callum dressed and then I’ll have a quick shower (hopefully) before Jesse wakes up!

I quickly cleaned bathrooms and put away laundry oh and I took my vitamins and drank a bunch of water, sprayed the shower with cleaner to let it sit for a bit. Got Callum dressed, and then got Jesse up at 11:45. After feeding him, changing his diaper (a zillion times as this is his favourite time of day to poop), I got the boys in the van and we drove to the strip mall with the pet store and a Starbucks. Jesse wasn’t thrilled about it all, so after we got coffee and an oat fudge bar (for me) and a pink cake pop (for Callum), looked at the kitties for a bit, we had to get back into the van so I could nurse him in parking lot. LAME.

I felt bad for Callum so once I got Jesse settled back into his car seat, we stopped off at home, grabbed the mail (Erin from Erin’s Inside Job sent me two pairs of Pro Compression socks!!!) and a soccer ball and then headed to the park.

Jesse kept sleeping all day and I’m always afraid that if he sleeps all day then he will be up all night, so I tried waking him up. I nursed him at the park and then again when we got home but he kept sleeping, so I gave him a bath! He woke up for a bit, spat up everywhere, and fell back asleep. So, it’s 3:30 right now and he is STILL napping, which is why I have the chance to sit down and relax. I ate 3 chicken strips and dip (I made them for Callum and he didn’t eat anything) and 2 chocolate chip cookies. Andrew is leaving soon to go to work again, and then he’s taking his two kids to soccer practices tonight so I’ll be on my own with Callum and Jesse during Jesse’s super fussy time of day where all he does it nurse and barf until I finally get him to sleep at around 9pm. I’m not sure when or how I’ll get Callum to bed during all that, but it’ll all come out in the wash (that’s my favourite saying right now!).

I just chopped up some celery and grapes, but I think I’ll stay away from veggies today–my stomach is a bit off; I think it was the flax bread from this morning. I don’t want to eat what the kids are eating for dinner (some sort of pasta casserole with sausage) so I’ll likely heat up a veggie burger, wrap it up in a tortilla with some cheese, and chase it down with fishy crackers and a glass of wine. I just called my OBGYN’s office and made a 6 week postpartum appointment for the cooch. I don’t foresee any issues though–I’m more just going because I have a major crush on her after she so calmly delivered Jesse. I can’t say that I won’t bring her cookies and a thank you card.

I just ordered a new day planner because mine ends in December and I need one for next year to fill in all the dates for Jake’s graduation! Jake turns 17 on September 21st! SO exciting. We already had his birthday dinner here on Friday but I’ll probably bring him something to school that day, like a coffee and a card and some peanut butter cups (his favourite). I also ordered a K’Tan in one size bigger because my extra-small doesn’t fit over my 32D boobs. My poor little boobies–they’ve stretched and shrunk and stretched and shrunk–FIVE TIMES–used and abused. Anyway, I need to sell the extra-small K’Tan on Craigslist. I also need to sell my maternity clothes. I’m procrastinating.

How is this interesting to you guys AT ALL?!?!?! Okay, seriously though, I rarely EVER have time to sit on the couch, and here I am, sitting, sipping water and typing away. I’m going to pay dearly tonight when Jesse is wide-eyed and bushy-tailed from 1-4am.

Well, good thing I rested when I did because the rest of the day went to hell in a hand basket. I’m typing this out on Tuesday. Sigh… So, Andrew’s kids have soccer every day except Tuesdays, so I was in charge of bedtime by myself last night, which, you know, is no big deal except it’s also Jesse’s fussy time of day where he spends 2-3 hours eating, fussing and barfing, repeat x 100. I ended up just putting Jesse in the swing while he cried so I could put Callum to bed. Nobody died on my clock, and a little crying never hurt anybody. I had poured myself a glass of wine at around 6 o’clock but ended up abandoning it shortly after. SO SAD. I crashed into bed at 8pm, right after Jesse passed out from all of his fussing, feeding, and barfing. And pooping. And bathing. Man, newborns are tiring.

I was up again at 9 when Andrew came to bed (he snuggled me and I started crying, so he rubbed my back while I fell back asleep) and then 10 when Jesse woke up to eat, and then 12:30am, then 1:30am (he’s usually not this brutal at night), then 4am and pretty much non-stop until we all got up at around 6:45am.

So, there ya go! There’s a day in the life of Suzy. I have a few lives, actually, because some days my older kids are here, some days Andrew’s are here, and some days it’s just the two littles. So this was an example of a day where it was Andrew’s kids here, and the littles, of course.


Do you guys like this stuff? Should I keep doing these?


Postpartum Running: Week Three

Wow! Three weeks gone by already! Not much has changed since last week as far as my body goes; I still weigh the same and look the same. But my fitness is coming back in leaps and bounds–thank goodness! My body hangs onto a little extra weight while I’m breastfeeding, and I am fine with that because I remember when I dropped down to 120 lb with Callum, I struggled with my milk supply at the end there (I exclusively breastfed him for a year, while he took the occasional bottle of formula maybe like once a month). If I can keep building my fitness and dropping my paces while holding onto enough weight to keep breastfeeding, I’ll feel like a champ.

I ran 60 miles last week (here’s the link to my Mileage Monday post) even with a couple of really tough workouts. I am SO happy about this. I feel strong, in control, and my core and hips feel fairly stable. I’m cautious, though, like when I’m running a steady pace I make sure to pull my belly button in, tuck my pelvis in and contract my pelvic floor up. It’s too hard to focus on those things when I’m doing speed work though, but for the most part, I’m slowly building back core strength.

My anxiety has gone right back down to zilch. Again, I am SO happy about that and attribute the balance to having my hormones level out a bit once my breast engorgement chilled out, and of course to being able to run again, hard, so that I can sweat out the angst. But also, I have to say that I’m able to self-regulate my anxiety issues because of going through years of therapy, dealing with the underlying emotional issues, learning my triggers, and figuring out how to speak truth against the lies that anxiety likes to tell.

Let’s talk about the fun stuff! Jesse has such a sweet little personality! He’s spending more time awake now (during the day, thankfully) and his left eye has recovered from birth enough that he is able to open both of them and look around. He’s outgrowing his newborn jammies and onesies, so he’s now in 3 month sizes (although, I do have to roll the sleeves). We’re not really sure who he looks like yet. Callum looks identical to Andrew, and Jesse shares their mouth, but maybe he’s more me in the eyes? Not sure. It’s fun to stare at him and try to figure it out.

He eats all day long and sleeps most of the day away except for about a 2-3 hour stretch at night where he fusses, eats, and barfs over and over and over until he eventually crashes at around 8 or 9pm. This is also when I go to sleep! He will go about 4 hours before he is up again, and then he’s up every 2 or 3 hours until 6:30/7am. I get enough sleep, even if it’s pieced together. It works. I’m alive.

Andrew’s kids have soccer every single day except Tuesdays, so I’m on bedtime duty by myself and last night was the first night. I poured myself a big glass of red wine at around 6pm but between all the feeding, burping, fussing, barfing, bathing, whining and putting to bed (while Jesse full-out cried in his swing), I managed to swallow about 3 mouthfuls before I ended up just pouring it down the drain and crashing into bed at 8. LAME. But most nights, I really do look forward to enjoying that glass of wine. I’m also really into chocolate. I take a lot of vitamins, and I eat a shit ton of veggies and fruit, but I also look forward to my freshly ground Starbucks coffee in my French press with heavy cream each morning and afternoon. YUM. And my nightly glass of red wine, which also helps with anxiety, by the way. With discretion, like, duh.

Callum is so incredibly sweet with Jesse. He always talks about how much he loves him and he always refers to Jesse has “my brother.” I’m so happy that those two boys have each other. It was really tough on Callum when all of his siblings would up and leave; they are always coming and going. Now he has a sibling that isn’t going anywhere (I’m sure Callum and Jesse will wish 50% custody on each other one day though… ha ha!) and just having that constant brother, someone to completely relate to, who shares the same mom and dad, I mean, it’s not everything but it sure is something. Okay, I swear to you right now that as I’m typing this, Callum is watching Madagascar (for the millionth time, god help me) in the next room and he out of nowhere just said to me, “Mommy, I love Jesse.” SO CUTE.

Okay, what else what else. Here’s a lame ass picture of me that Andrew took this morning. I probably won’t take anymore of these because I feel really weird. It was okay when I had a baby growing in my belly but now I just look really…weird. And not cool, weird. Weird, weird.

Okay, I’m running out of time and this got long (TWSS). Catch you guys later! I’ve got a Day in the Life post up and ready for tomorrow, documenting my day from yesterday. Yay!


Mileage Monday

What a week! Oh you guys, I am so sorry that I haven’t been writing on here that much. I thought I was busy before I had Jesse?!? HA! I do not stop all day long. All night long. I go go go go go go go go NON STOP ALL DAY ALL NIGHT. But… don’t feel sorry for me. I like it. Analyze me, label me, diagnose me, whatever. It works, I’m happy, I’m surviving. As life settles down a bit I’ll definitely be back writing like mad, wine in hand, crass and vulgar as ever, don’t you worry. But for now, it’s a Jesus Santa God miracle that I’m able to fit the running in, and that I did, at 60 miles last week. Boom. Cachow. I whip my hair all around. Shake it like a polaroid picture.

Monday– It was hard for me to keep an easy pace (9:13 min/miles) because I knew that at any moment Jesse would wake up from his nap but I resisted the temptation to crank the speed and I coasted easily through 7 treadmill miles at a recovery pace.

Tuesday– I did a 4 mile warm-up at 8:34 pace, then 1 mile at half marathon race pace (6:31 min/miles), then 3 miles at 8 min/mile pace, then the last 2 miles at 7:30 pace to make 10 treadmill miles. I ran this while Callum was at his first day of preschool! And Jesse was sleeping. I also did my strength work (3×20 each donkey kicks, fire hydrants and full back leg extensions) and it felt so hard after not doing it for so long!

Wednesday– Well, I got up at 6:30 and let Andrew sleep until 8:30 but in the meantime, I pumped some milk, made breakfast for the kids, saw them off to school, got Jesse down for a nap and then got dressed for a run. I woke Andrew up and told him to give Jesse the bottle when he wakes up. HA! And I took off. I ran 10 slow, hilly miles, and Jesse drank the breastmilk from the bottle just fine! It was awesome! I didn’t sleep that much so I made up for it by drinking a shit ton of coffee and then of course had some bees in my bonnet by the afternoon, so I hopped on the treadmill and hammered out 4 miles with 2 minute intervals at 6:49 pace. I want to keep reminding my body to get comfortable at a sub-3 marathon race pace! Total miles for the day: 14. YAYAHHH! Now please God, give me some sleep tonight.

Thursday– I totally got a lot of sleep last night! Pieced together in chunks, but still! Had a busy day today so all I had time for was a 6 mile recovery run. I kept the pace at 9:13 min/miles. Oh, and I did my strength work again too. Oof. Added 50 sit-ups to the mix too.

Friday– I think the one thing that will make or break a mama’s running goals is the ability to be flexible. I had 9 miles at 8:30 min/mile pace on tap for today. I put Jesse down for a nap and only made it to 2 miles before he woke up! So I put him in the car seat and clicked it into the BOB and started out running, except he fussed so much that I had to stop and nurse him on a playground! I managed 3 miles with him out there. I gave up, and brought him grocery shopping with me (Andrew had Callum for the morning). He fell asleep in his car seat so when we got home, I hopped back onto the treadmill and again only made it 2 miles before he woke up. I nursed him again, put him back to sleep, and finished off my run to make 9 miles. I’m a bit stubborn.

Saturday– I had this scheduled for tomorrow but today was such a shit show that when I finally got the chance to run, I decided to just go for it. I was supposed to do 3 miles at goal marathon race pace but I got to 3 and knew I had one more in me, so I did 4. So, I did 2 warm-up miles, 4 tempo miles at 6:49 pace and then 2 miles cool-down.

Sunday– Just an easy 6 miles at about an 8:30 min/mile pace and then some strength work.

So, do you want to see what my training looks like for this upcoming week? No? Yes? Okay! Here’s the plan, but it’s not set on exact mileage on exact days, but here’s the basics:

Monday- 5 (probably 7) recovery miles at 9:13 min/mile pace

Tuesday- 8 miles, with 2 of them at half marathon race pace (6:30)

Wednesday- 8 miles, 5 of them at 8:10 pace and the last 3 at 7:50 pace

Thursday- 5 (probably more) recovery miles at 9:13 pace

Friday- 9 miles at 8:30 pace

Saturday- 5 (probably more) recovery miles at 9:13 pace

Sunday- 10 miles with 4 (maybe more, because I did 4 last week) at goal marathon race pace (6:50)

Okay, I have SO MUCH TO WRITE. I wish I had time to do a Week in Review! I really really really want to do a Day in the Life post! Mostly just so I can look back at this phase of my life one day and bow to my former self.

What’s new with you guys? What have I been missing from your blogs? TELL ME!!!

Is anyone fighting a back to school/summer’s over virus? We’ve got a couple kids down with it over here. 🙁




Postpartum Running: Week Two

I haven’t had time to read blogs lately! Actually, to be honest, I can read them but I can’t comment on them–it’s too hard to comment on my phone. I’ve been on Instagram a LOT though, especially in the middle of the night. I have no idea how I survived my first three kids’ newborn phases without social media! It helps so much to stay connected to people, as dumb as that sounds, because when we’re up in the night with a fussy newborn it can feel so isolating and just being able to text another mom who is up with their baby is just such a gift. I love how all of our messages to each other are filled with typos from trying to text with one hand while nursing our babies. Ha! But I’m also loving staying connected to my other friends too, who aren’t in the throes of babyhood because HEY! I’m more than just a mommy! And I love hearing about what everyone else is up to, and what they’re excited about, or what they’re struggling with so that I can reach out and help them if they need it too. We’re all in this together!

I’m feeling so good! When my milk came in last week, I really REALLY struggled with anxiety and mood and emotions and ALL THE THINGS. It was really, really awful. When this happened after I delivered my first baby (17 years ago), the hormone fluctuation sent me into a tailspin. But now that I’m able to be self aware of what’s going on (I had NO idea how hormonal the postpartum phase was–I was only 22!) and proactive (I talked to my GP about my anxiety at Jesse’s one week check-up), I was/am able to manage it WAY better this time. It also really helps that I was able to return to running again so soon. If you’re interested in my specific mileage, head on over to my Mileage Monday post here.

My breast engorgement settled down, my hormones leveled out and my anxiety went down to a loud whisper. Whew!

I’ve been having those weird postpartum night sweats which feel gross in the moment but feel good after a shower. My weight dropped fast after the initial post-delivery gain (water retention when my milk came in) so I went from 138lb to 133lb last week, and now I’m 129lb. It will go down much slower now, but I’m not worried about that–I’m too excited about what my body is doing/has done! I can fit into my K’Tan baby carrier (my boobs were too big last week to wear it properly) and Jesse loves it.

This is my view of him while I carry him around (his left eye was swollen shut from being born so it’s always the last one to open!)

Andrew and I sat together one night and just reminisced about the whole birth day of Jesse and how amazing it was. And then I just shook my head and thought about everything my body has been through! About 13 marathons, 2 ultras, 5 children, 80-100 mile weeks, like WHAAAAT?! My body has served me well and I’m never going to take its capabilities for granted. Nope. Each and every day I will love it because I know how fragile life is.

Jesse is doing great! He’s back up to and past his birth weight and he’s becoming more alert each day. He sleeps a LOT. Well, actually, at first he liked to party each night between midnight and 3am so I was dying a slow and painful death but then a couple nights in a row he only woke up twice between 8pm and 8am! The first time was at midnight and he went right back to sleep after I fed him (and had a burp) but then when he got up at 4, it took me over an hour to get him back to sleep again. BUT… I’m getting 7-8 hours of sleep now, even though it’s broken up. Last night was brutal–he woke up every 2 hours and he was fussy and difficult to put back down but hey–you win some and you lose some.

Another thing I should add is that Callum had colic. Katie did too, but Callum’s was off the effing CHARTS. It was traumatizing, and so I feel myself panicking a bit about whether Jesse will have it or not. I can’t count how many times I’ve Googled “when does colic start” and then nervously checked the calendar. I don’t think he will get it, but you never know. And I wanted to be honest with you guys and just get that out there, that I’m definitely worried about it.

Jesse so sweet. It’s amazing to me how it feels like he’s always been here, that I’ve always known him. I knew from having my first four that this is what would happen when I had him, but it’s still mind-blowing amazing each and every time. I can’t believe how our hearts just get bigger to accommodate more people to love. Callum is so good with him. It’s definitely tougher to get out the door with the both of them but I do it, knowing that a) a little crying never hurt anyone and b) there’s a box of red wine on the counter once they go to bed. Ha!

I hear my little squeaker (Andrew called him that in the hospital because he doesn’t really cry–he squeaks) waking up from his nap now, so off I go! OH and it also blows me away that I am his only source of food! I AM KEEPING ANOTHER HUMAN ALIVE! That totally freaks me out. But man, what an honour. What a gift. So humbling, and I am so thankful.

Here he is with both eyes open! His skin is peeling. I keep putting Burt’s Bees baby oil on him and it’s slowly getting better.

Mamas with babies… did any of yours have colic? Did you have colic when you were a baby? Do you know anyone who did or had a baby with colic?

Favourite remedy for dry skin?



Mileage Monday

I’m super excited to be able to run so soon after having Jesse! I have a lot of people messaging me and freaking out about it though, so I have to keep underlining the fact that recovery after a fifth baby is very, very, VERY different than recovery after a first or a second, or even a third! Or fourth! Especially if that recovery is after an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. Also, I had a solid foundation of fitness going into this pregnancy (I averaged 60-90 mile weeks) and I kept up my running (50-80 mile weeks) until the day I delivered him. These factors play a HUUUGE part in how quick I was able to return to running.

I’m really excited to start training for the Phoenix marathon in February! It doesn’t officially start until the week of October 22nd (I’m following an Advanced Marathoning plan) but I need to work on building up my mileage and speed so that I am able to actually jump into the training plan for a sub-3 hour marathon.

Once I realized that I was able to run this week and that my body is handling it all really well, I made it my goal to run one mile at goal marathon race pace (6:50 min/miles) before the week was up. I squeezed it in on Sunday, and was pleasantly surprised at how good I felt, so I added on another mile… and a half (2.5 miles at goal race pace).

I want to save some good stuff for my two week postpartum running update, so I’ll stop here and just get into the week’s runs. I was able to run 52 miles for the week, and this is what it looked like:

Monday– I ran 2 miles yesterday and felt great so I thought I’d run 5 miles today. First mile at 9:13 pace, miles 2-4 at 8:34 pace and the last mile at 8 min/mile pace.

Tuesday– THIS FELT AMAZING. 6 mile progression run: One mile up at 9:13 pace, one mile at 8:34 pace, 2 miles at 8 min/mile pace, 1 mile at 7:30 min/mile pace, one mile cool down at 9:13 min/mile pace.

Wednesday– 2 mile warmup at 9:13 pace, then 2 min hard (7 min/mile pace) 2 min easy (9 min/mile pace) x 10, and then finished the run with an easy pace to make 9 miles total.

Thursday– 1 mile warmup at 9:13 pace, 1 mile at 8:34 pace, 2 miles at 8 pace, 0.75 miles at 7:30 pace, 0.25 miles at 7 pace, and a 9 min/mile cool down to make 7 miles total. Once again it felt really, really, REALLY damn good.

Friday– 8 treadmill miles at 8 min/mile pace

Saturday– 10 treadmill miles at 8:34 min/mile pace

Sunday– Well, I had it written down my day planner that I was to run one mile at goal marathon race pace (6:50) this week, so I thought I’d try and squeeze it in! I was able to run 2.5 miles at 6:49 pace! SUPER HAPPY about this, although I have a long way to go! I did a 2.5 mile warm-up (outside!) the 2.5 tempo miles, and then a 2 mile cool down (outside again! woohoo!) to make 7 total miles.

Did you guys have forest fire smoke last week?

We did. AGAIN. It was soooo awful.

Are you being affected by the hurricane(s)? How do you manage it? I am super ignorant about hurricanes!

What are you guys training for? Or if you don’t have a goal race right now, what are you focusing on?



Postpartum Running: Week One

Hey guys! You can’t get rid of me yet! Jesse was born on Tuesday, and by Sunday I was itching to get moving for two reasons 1) My milk came in and I’m some sort of hyper-lactating mama with approximately 7235287368962 times the normal amount of hormones needed for milk production and so my anxiety went through the roof and I needed to run out the insanity and 2) Along with my enormously engorged milk jugs came 8 lb of water retention and I needed to sweat out the suffocating bloat.

On the morning of Jesse’s birth, I weighed 141lb, putting me at about a 18-21lb weight gain from start to finish. When we came home from the hospital on Wednesday, I stepped on the scale at 130lb, so I lost about 10lb during delivery. My milk started coming in on Thursday, peaked on Friday and Saturday and began settling down (barely) on Sunday and Monday. I get suuuuuper engorged. I’m talking like, extreme. You know how you Google things like heat rash and infected finger and up pops up the most grotesque photos of all time? My boobs would be in that lineup. I can’t complain because my milk is a plenty, but I’m susceptible to mastitis and stuff so I have to stay on it like white on rice. I always gain a bunch of water weight in the days following delivery. I went from 130lb on Wednesday to 138lb on Friday, and back down to 133lb on Sunday, and my body will just start sweating it out as the days go by.

I tell you guys all this because everyone thinks they’re going to drop a bunch of weight right after the baby pops out and although some do, for sure, some don’t. There’s no need for panic, I promise. Just trust your good ol’ friend Suzy to assure you that your body will do its thing for your baby and when your brain decides that the baby is taken care of, then your body will chillax. It just takes time.

In the meantime, your emotions and psychological well-being will indeed be in the shitter. Welcome to hell.


There are a lot of us here, and it’s important for us to stick together because community and connection overpower the isolation needed for anxiety to thrive. You get me?

I’m struggling. During the day I’m okay but it’s at night, when I’m alone with the baby and he’s gassy and crying and everyone else is asleep, and my nipples are bleeding onto his cute little onesie, that my thoughts take a downward spiral. I think all sorts of crazy things like how my water retention is really an incoming postpartum heart attack, the silent killer that will get me while I’m sitting on the toilet. Or how the little knot near where my IV entrance was is really a blood clot that will go straight to my brain. My heart rate is legit picking up as I write this out right now. I think about nighttime and want to drive myself to the hospital and check myself in to the ER, or any ward, actually. I’m not picky.

I have a doctor appointment on Wednesday so she will help me then, which is great. And I’ve been through this whole anxiety things a zillion times; this is most definitely not my first rodeo. Postpartum hormones are no joke.

I just realized that I deviated from my first paragraph! Whoops! Okay so I was itching to get moving because running helps me stay sane, so on Sunday (5 days postpartum) Andrew and I went for a walk with the two littles (Callum in the stroller and Jesse in my K’Tan carrier that is too small right now because of my enormously engorged breasts). We walked up to the liquor store and bought our much anticipated Coronas, a bottle of red and a bottle of rosé and then realized we could barely fit it all in the stroller. HA! #parentsoftheyear

I felt so good on that walk (about a mile) that I came home and walked another mile on the treadmill. It felt SO DAMN GOOD TO SWEAT that I decided to pick up the pace a little and run 2 miles. I felt great! Totally fine. So the next day, the Monday (yesterday, I guess), I ran 5 miles on the treadmill and again, sweated out the angst. HALLELUJAH. I wanted to walk around our townhouse complex ringing doorbells and high-fiving our neighbors and their pets.

Okay so I should probably wrap this up. Jesse does one 5 hour stretch between feeds at night which is awesome. We’re having a heat wave (and more forest fire smoke) so we’re pretty uncomfortable without air conditioning (highs of 98F) but there should only be one more day of this and then we’re back to comfortable temps. Jesse is handling the heat by breastfeeding like a champ, all day long about every 2 hours. He has lots of wet and poopy diapers and has already outgrown his newborn size diapers! These next few weeks are going to go SO fast.

He’s fairly calm, unless he’s got a burp, and he really enjoys just sitting in our arms, looking up and around at everything. He stays awake for about 45 min and then goes down for his nap pretty easily! The Fisher Price Rock n Play has been a huge lifesaver, FYI. I wish I had it for my other four kids. It is EVERYTHING. I highly recommend.

I’m hoping to get in another 5 miler today! I’m so thankful that I’m able to do this because it’s really helping me with my anxiety!

Do you own Birkenstocks?


Red, white, or rosé?

I need dinner ideas to make in this heat. We had hot dogs last night, and chicken salad wraps are on tap for tonight. What do you guys like making for dinner when it’s hot AF?



Birth Story-For Real This Time

Okay! So this is it! After the failed attempt at childbirth on the Friday night, I opted to go home on Saturday morning, have a nap, and then get a couple of really good nights of sleep. I knew that my OBGYN and favourite nurse would be working on Tuesday, so I called my doctor’s office on Monday and asked her if I could meet her there, get my IV antibiotics (I was positive for group B strep) and then have my water broken. She was totally happy to do this, and we made plans for the kids to all be taken care of so that Andrew and I could head into the hospital without a panic.

I was disappointed that my body wasn’t doing it on its own, however, I knew that if my body went for it, that it would be too fast for me to get my much-needed antibiotics (to keep the baby safe and healthy on his way out into the world) and possibly too fast to find somewhere for Callum to go (I wasn’t totally thrilled about the idea of a farting, nose-picking 3 year old in the delivery room; I may have had dreads, but I ain’t no hippie).

BUT GUESS WHAT. So, I was 3cm dilated, 80% effaced going into the weekend, right? Well, I spent Monday preparing my mind and body for delivery but also doing everything I could to kickstart labour on its own. I’m not sure if it worked, but I ran 13 miles on Monday, had an excellent sleep that night, and woke up and ran another 3 miles on Tuesday morning before getting ready to leave for the hospital. Sure, I was having contractions (just like any other day for the previous 3 weeks!) and yes, I was having some show (again, nothing new, and nothing worth getting excited about) but something felt different.

I was peeling my sweaty clothes off and climbing into the shower and I just had this hunch, this feeling, that my body was doing it on its own. I had wanted to spend a long time in the shower, shaving my legs, conditioning my hair, you know, all the nice luxurious things but I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was about to go down. So I hastily swiped soap everywhere, jumped out, toweled off, threw on my clothes and told Andrew that we needed to get to the hospital. I didn’t want my water to break and then have a baby without first getting those antibiotics into me.

Once we got there, we decided to have a coffee and a snack at the Starbucks. I had to keep sitting down because I felt so much pressure down there. I was still having contractions but again, nothing different than usual! But again, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was it, and I offered up a silent prayer that maybe, just maybe, my body could do this without intervention.

We rode the elevator, saw our doctor right away and she checked me. I WAS FOUR CENTIMETERS! I cried happy tears. Once they knew that my body was doing this, they quickly hooked me up with an IV and started the antibiotics.

I needed 2 doses before the baby could come through the birth canal and the doses had to be 4 hours apart. The first dose was administered at 9:30am, and we moved over to our room and got officially admitted.

My OBGYN came into check on me at 11:30 and offered to break my water, but I told her that I’d rather wait until the second dose goes through just in case my labour goes really fast (when they broke my water with Callum, it took nearly 12 hours before I delivered him, but all this prodromal labour had me thinking that it had done its job, and that once my water broke, it would be show time). She obliged, and probably thought I was crazy, but she trusted me.

So here I was, having contractions here and there just like any other day for the past 3 weeks, but THIS time I knew they were really doing something. I just knew. It’s like I could feel each contraction in my soul or something. My mind and my body and my baby were all so connected that day; I can’t really explain it in any other way than that.

I kept looking at the clock, knowing that I could very well already be holding my baby in my arms if I had let them break my water on Saturday morning, or at 11:30 that day, but I wanted to give my body and my baby every chance I could to keep them healthy, and to show them respect, and reverence for the work about to be done. The clock ticked 1:15 (they were able to give the antibiotics a bit early), I had my second dose, and then I let out a sigh of relief. Dr. Kenyon came back in at 1:30 to check me and I was only 5cm dilated. She broke my water, and hardly any water came out. At first I was disheartened, and anxious that maybe this would turn out to be another long labour with pitocin, but I didn’t spend much time at the pity party because I got hit with HUGE contractions. Except, they were still spaced out quite a bit, or it seemed like it. I even felt my stomach growl and asked Andrew to go get me some toast with peanut butter. WELL. By the time he got back with the toast, I was on my left side, gripping the side rails of the hospital bed with my face buried in my pillow, rocking back and forth, moaning away and doing the bicycle with my legs. I smelled the peanut butter but I didn’t have a single second break between contractions to tell anyone to take it away from me. Thankfully my nurse Jen motioned to Andrew to throw it in the trash (I learned this later). I guess I went into transition pretty quick and Jen calmly told me to let her know when I start feeling the urge to push. As soon as she said that, I started feeling it and began to bear down a little. I heard her call Dr. Kenyon, who came into the room a minute later. I was still on my side but she needed to check my cervix to make sure I was ready to push so I flipped onto my back, looked at her with crazy eyes, moaned “noooooo” and then flipped back over on my side again. “FUCK,” I said sternly into my pillow, “These aren’t stopping.” Once that contraction tapered off I flipped back over, she checked me (I started shaking) and she said “Oh yeah, you go ahead, you’re ready to push.”

So then it was the weirdest thing. All of a sudden I started having breaks between contractions. Like the urge to push completely disappeared. Like time stood still and I was standing at the top of the mountain, the sun went behind the clouds, the wind stood still, everything stopped. I told Dr. Kenyon and Jen that I wasn’t good at this part. That I could handle the contractions, but that pushing wasn’t my thing. They reassured me that I could do it, and to grab my legs and pull them back and put my chin to my chest and push. I said no, I don’t think I can do it. I wasn’t panicking, I was just refusing, as if there were some other option for me, as if I could ask the ref for a substitute. And then, I had a contraction and in slow motion, my mind reasoned with my body. I was like, okay, Suzy. This is gonna hurt really, really bad, and the longer you take sitting here like a ninny, the longer it’s going to take to get him out. So I made up my mind to just give ‘er. I pulled my legs back, and pressing my right foot on Dr. Kenyon’s left thigh (I’ll never forget that for as long as I live), put my chin to my chest and pushed like a frigging Amazon woman. Teeth bared, roaring from the deepest part of my throat, from my toes, I pushed. Then, I had a break. It came on again like a wave and again I pushed from the core of the earth, from a place kept hidden except during moments like these, tapped into and drawn out by primal love, burning, his head was there, and I heard her say “he has hair!” and I panted. I blew, my lips pursed. Blow, blow, blow. Slow, slow, slow. And again, and his head was out. I shook, I shook hard, my right foot still pressed against my doctor’s thigh, her care and her composure, her trust in me and in herself held me grounded to the earth as she calmly instructed me to push out his shoulders and with the most relieving exodus, Jesse was born and placed immediately onto my chest.

Dr. Kenyon broke my water at approximately 1:40, when I was 5cm dilated, and Jesse was born at 2:19, after 4.5 minutes of pushing. So I went from 5cm to complete in about 30 minutes.

So that’s it for the birth story. I still want to do a 38 weeks pregnant and running update, and a little write-up on how it’s going after delivery, but I will have to save it for a later day!

Thanks for all your love and support!

Love Suzy