Hey guys! You can’t get rid of me yet! Jesse was born on Tuesday, and by Sunday I was itching to get moving for two reasons 1) My milk came in and I’m some sort of hyper-lactating mama with approximately 7235287368962 times the normal amount of hormones needed for milk production and so my anxiety went through the roof and I needed to run out the insanity and 2) Along with my enormously engorged milk jugs came 8 lb of water retention and I needed to sweat out the suffocating bloat.
On the morning of Jesse’s birth, I weighed 141lb, putting me at about a 18-21lb weight gain from start to finish. When we came home from the hospital on Wednesday, I stepped on the scale at 130lb, so I lost about 10lb during delivery. My milk started coming in on Thursday, peaked on Friday and Saturday and began settling down (barely) on Sunday and Monday. I get suuuuuper engorged. I’m talking like, extreme. You know how you Google things like heat rash and infected finger and up pops up the most grotesque photos of all time? My boobs would be in that lineup. I can’t complain because my milk is a plenty, but I’m susceptible to mastitis and stuff so I have to stay on it like white on rice. I always gain a bunch of water weight in the days following delivery. I went from 130lb on Wednesday to 138lb on Friday, and back down to 133lb on Sunday, and my body will just start sweating it out as the days go by.
I tell you guys all this because everyone thinks they’re going to drop a bunch of weight right after the baby pops out and although some do, for sure, some don’t. There’s no need for panic, I promise. Just trust your good ol’ friend Suzy to assure you that your body will do its thing for your baby and when your brain decides that the baby is taken care of, then your body will chillax. It just takes time.
In the meantime, your emotions and psychological well-being will indeed be in the shitter. Welcome to hell.
There are a lot of us here, and it’s important for us to stick together because community and connection overpower the isolation needed for anxiety to thrive. You get me?
I’m struggling. During the day I’m okay but it’s at night, when I’m alone with the baby and he’s gassy and crying and everyone else is asleep, and my nipples are bleeding onto his cute little onesie, that my thoughts take a downward spiral. I think all sorts of crazy things like how my water retention is really an incoming postpartum heart attack, the silent killer that will get me while I’m sitting on the toilet. Or how the little knot near where my IV entrance was is really a blood clot that will go straight to my brain. My heart rate is legit picking up as I write this out right now. I think about nighttime and want to drive myself to the hospital and check myself in to the ER, or any ward, actually. I’m not picky.
I have a doctor appointment on Wednesday so she will help me then, which is great. And I’ve been through this whole anxiety things a zillion times; this is most definitely not my first rodeo. Postpartum hormones are no joke.
I just realized that I deviated from my first paragraph! Whoops! Okay so I was itching to get moving because running helps me stay sane, so on Sunday (5 days postpartum) Andrew and I went for a walk with the two littles (Callum in the stroller and Jesse in my K’Tan carrier that is too small right now because of my enormously engorged breasts). We walked up to the liquor store and bought our much anticipated Coronas, a bottle of red and a bottle of rosé and then realized we could barely fit it all in the stroller. HA! #parentsoftheyear
I felt so good on that walk (about a mile) that I came home and walked another mile on the treadmill. It felt SO DAMN GOOD TO SWEAT that I decided to pick up the pace a little and run 2 miles. I felt great! Totally fine. So the next day, the Monday (yesterday, I guess), I ran 5 miles on the treadmill and again, sweated out the angst. HALLELUJAH. I wanted to walk around our townhouse complex ringing doorbells and high-fiving our neighbors and their pets.
Okay so I should probably wrap this up. Jesse does one 5 hour stretch between feeds at night which is awesome. We’re having a heat wave (and more forest fire smoke) so we’re pretty uncomfortable without air conditioning (highs of 98F) but there should only be one more day of this and then we’re back to comfortable temps. Jesse is handling the heat by breastfeeding like a champ, all day long about every 2 hours. He has lots of wet and poopy diapers and has already outgrown his newborn size diapers! These next few weeks are going to go SO fast.
He’s fairly calm, unless he’s got a burp, and he really enjoys just sitting in our arms, looking up and around at everything. He stays awake for about 45 min and then goes down for his nap pretty easily! The Fisher Price Rock n Play has been a huge lifesaver, FYI. I wish I had it for my other four kids. It is EVERYTHING. I highly recommend.
I’m hoping to get in another 5 miler today! I’m so thankful that I’m able to do this because it’s really helping me with my anxiety!
Do you own Birkenstocks?
I LIVE IN MINE.
Red, white, or rosé?
I need dinner ideas to make in this heat. We had hot dogs last night, and chicken salad wraps are on tap for tonight. What do you guys like making for dinner when it’s hot AF?