Wow! Three weeks gone by already! Not much has changed since last week as far as my body goes; I still weigh the same and look the same. But my fitness is coming back in leaps and bounds–thank goodness! My body hangs onto a little extra weight while I’m breastfeeding, and I am fine with that because I remember when I dropped down to 120 lb with Callum, I struggled with my milk supply at the end there (I exclusively breastfed him for a year, while he took the occasional bottle of formula maybe like once a month). If I can keep building my fitness and dropping my paces while holding onto enough weight to keep breastfeeding, I’ll feel like a champ.
I ran 60 miles last week (here’s the link to my Mileage Monday post) even with a couple of really tough workouts. I am SO happy about this. I feel strong, in control, and my core and hips feel fairly stable. I’m cautious, though, like when I’m running a steady pace I make sure to pull my belly button in, tuck my pelvis in and contract my pelvic floor up. It’s too hard to focus on those things when I’m doing speed work though, but for the most part, I’m slowly building back core strength.
My anxiety has gone right back down to zilch. Again, I am SO happy about that and attribute the balance to having my hormones level out a bit once my breast engorgement chilled out, and of course to being able to run again, hard, so that I can sweat out the angst. But also, I have to say that I’m able to self-regulate my anxiety issues because of going through years of therapy, dealing with the underlying emotional issues, learning my triggers, and figuring out how to speak truth against the lies that anxiety likes to tell.
Let’s talk about the fun stuff! Jesse has such a sweet little personality! He’s spending more time awake now (during the day, thankfully) and his left eye has recovered from birth enough that he is able to open both of them and look around. He’s outgrowing his newborn jammies and onesies, so he’s now in 3 month sizes (although, I do have to roll the sleeves). We’re not really sure who he looks like yet. Callum looks identical to Andrew, and Jesse shares their mouth, but maybe he’s more me in the eyes? Not sure. It’s fun to stare at him and try to figure it out.
He eats all day long and sleeps most of the day away except for about a 2-3 hour stretch at night where he fusses, eats, and barfs over and over and over until he eventually crashes at around 8 or 9pm. This is also when I go to sleep! He will go about 4 hours before he is up again, and then he’s up every 2 or 3 hours until 6:30/7am. I get enough sleep, even if it’s pieced together. It works. I’m alive.
Andrew’s kids have soccer every single day except Tuesdays, so I’m on bedtime duty by myself and last night was the first night. I poured myself a big glass of red wine at around 6pm but between all the feeding, burping, fussing, barfing, bathing, whining and putting to bed (while Jesse full-out cried in his swing), I managed to swallow about 3 mouthfuls before I ended up just pouring it down the drain and crashing into bed at 8. LAME. But most nights, I really do look forward to enjoying that glass of wine. I’m also really into chocolate. I take a lot of vitamins, and I eat a shit ton of veggies and fruit, but I also look forward to my freshly ground Starbucks coffee in my French press with heavy cream each morning and afternoon. YUM. And my nightly glass of red wine, which also helps with anxiety, by the way. With discretion, like, duh.
Callum is so incredibly sweet with Jesse. He always talks about how much he loves him and he always refers to Jesse has “my brother.” I’m so happy that those two boys have each other. It was really tough on Callum when all of his siblings would up and leave; they are always coming and going. Now he has a sibling that isn’t going anywhere (I’m sure Callum and Jesse will wish 50% custody on each other one day though… ha ha!) and just having that constant brother, someone to completely relate to, who shares the same mom and dad, I mean, it’s not everything but it sure is something. Okay, I swear to you right now that as I’m typing this, Callum is watching Madagascar (for the millionth time, god help me) in the next room and he out of nowhere just said to me, “Mommy, I love Jesse.” SO CUTE.
Okay, what else what else. Here’s a lame ass picture of me that Andrew took this morning. I probably won’t take anymore of these because I feel really weird. It was okay when I had a baby growing in my belly but now I just look really…weird. And not cool, weird. Weird, weird.