Well, the gods in charge of hormones decided to kick it up a notch this week because I’ve been blessed with indigestion and hemorrhoids. At least, I’m pretty sure I have hemorrhoids. Let me tell you a story:
Just about 17 years ago, I gave birth to my first child, Jake. And when we came home from the hospital, after we settled in for a day or two, a couple of nurses popped by to make sure we were doing alright. After they checked in on the breastfeeding, and once they weighed Jake and made sure we were on the mend, one of the nurses whispered to me to go upstairs and undress from the waist down so that she could check on my vajayjay (I had a couple of stitches thrown in for good measure). Once she was down there, she mentioned that there was a note in my file stating that I had developed “very large hemorrhoids during delivery” and I was like, say whaaaaat? I didn’t even know what they were, or how to spell them, or what they felt like. Quite frankly, if I even had them, I never noticed. But, apparently I had them and apparently they were “internal hemorrhoids.” Super. Let me tell you another story:
I got them during each and every subsequent pregnancy and delivery, and I can only remember one time that they ever bothered me–after Callum was born and during a tough 12 mile run. The details of which are disturbing, and resulted in a colonoscopy, so let’s just leave it at that for now.
Needless to say, now I’m freaked right out about hemorrhoids. Not because they’re itchy (they’re supposed to be?!?! GROSS!!!) or hurt (they don’t bother me at all) but because I would hate to have to have people come to my funeral knowing that I died from a hemorrhoid invasion. And if you have them, and if they’re itchy and they hurt, you’re not gross. I love you. Get a prescription for Proctofoam, and your life will be forever changed.
I’ve also developed indigestion, which is nbd. A little barf in the mouth never hurt anyone. My belly pooched out to epic proportions and I started getting Braxton Hicks contractions but they’re normal, especially for me, and they’re nothing I can’t manage. I drink lots of water, and they die down a little.
I weigh 129lb this morning which I think puts me at a 3lb weight gain in 8 days which I just think is fabulous. The human body is beautiful and amazing. I’m the idiot that stuck it under the Arizona sun and burned the tops of my feet to blistering, and gave my blossoming belly a heat rash. I’m out-growing the 32C bras I just bought 3 weeks ago, and obviously, as you might imagine from my dramatic monologue above, I have graduated to granny panties.
Because we were away, I had to fit in a 10 mile treadmill run at 10:30 pm last night and at the last second, grabbed a baby belly shot for my 19th week:
Here’s another 19 week shot in the regular spot:
Here’s my Mileage Monday post if you’d like to check out my running mileage and workouts for my 19th week of pregnancy.
Even though we had such a great time in Arizona, I’m looking forward to getting back into the regular routine of life. As Juno says, “I never really realized how much I like being home unless I’ve been somewhere really different for a while.”
Have you seen the movie Juno?
Have you ever had hemorrhoids? Can you spell it correctly on the first try?
Did I teach you something new today? Are you going to go stand over top of a hand mirror to have a boo at your arse?