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Rawr

Why do weird things make us so uncomfortable? Why do we gravitate to “normal” and “typical” and what society deems as beautiful and desirable?

Because it’s the animal in us, pushing toward survival and domination. To side with abnormal or atypical would go against those instincts.

Let that lie for a minute. I’ll come back.

Each choice we make is either driven by love, or it’s driven by fear. Love, at its purest form, feels extremely uncomfortable when it’s lived out in action. If it’s comfortable, it’s probably not love. Comfortable silence, euphoric intimacy, those are all the rewards that bloom from what we’ve struggled to plant, our wounds from weeding thorns, our bites from predators. That is love, and love is a verb. Comfort is a feeling.

Fear paralyzes us into non-action. Our backs don’t ache from planting seeds, our nail beds don’t get dirty, our skin doesn’t bleed, and the flowers don’t grow and do not bloom.

I’m coming back to our animal instincts now when I say that to love is to go against our drive toward survival and domination. For to survive and dominate means to be forever alone.

It’s not easy, but I have learned to push hard against my fear-driven instincts to curve toward normal and rather, when confronted with something weird, I open my mind and heart to it and let it plant what it needs to plant. If it’s love, it will grow.

Blue hair, crooked teeth, wheelchair, biggie boobs, too much lipstick, should she be ordering that? let’s order that too, everybody goes poo, I don’t touch doorknobs, he hugs too long, I wonder if he’s gay, I’ve got secrets too, she’s paying with cash, am I allowed to think he’s hot? I think he likes the barista, all this doesn’t even matter because we all live on a planet, A PLANET. We live on a little planet that spins around the sun. Blue hair. He likes the barista.

None of us really want to end up alone.

{ 9 comments… add one }
  • Susie @ Suzlyfe February 22, 2017, 3:51 am

    I was listening to a podcast where they started asking the question of: would we really fear death if there was a guarantee that we wouldn’t be alone on the other side?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 22, 2017, 6:20 am

      I am going to be thinking about that concept all day long. FASCINATING. Thanks for telling me!

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home February 22, 2017, 6:40 am

    I sure don’t want to live a life dictated by fear, but I can see how that could happen. I have to push myself beyond my worries. The older I get, the bigger the challenge.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 22, 2017, 11:11 am

      It’s pretty amazing how much fear dictates our choices. Once we become aware of it, it’s kinda humbling.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets February 22, 2017, 7:42 am

    Some people do hug too long and I’m pretty sure it’s because they enjoy the feeling of my mashed up breasts pressed tightly against their chest. I don’t like it, unless I know you real well. You’d be OK, although these days if you press too hard, you’re bound to get some milk with your squeeze.

    Milk, boobs, and hugs aside, this post was beautiful; poetic even.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 22, 2017, 11:10 am

      Your boobies ARE epic.

      Thank you. I love poetic writing… Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts is a good example.

  • Erin February 22, 2017, 11:02 am

    I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and I never comment (ever, on anyone’s) but I just had to today. Your writing is so fucking on point, beautiful even, and it really speaks to me. Keep on keepin’ on <3

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 22, 2017, 11:10 am

      ERIN! Thank you so, much. Your comment means a lot to me because even though I know I’ll never shut up (stop writing), sometimes I kinda wonder what my purpose is. Like this post in particular, it was from my guts, but then I kinda wondered if it just got out there and floated around in nothingness. Which would be fine too, because that’s the nature of art, but of course I love it when someone else can take something from it too. It feels really, really good. Thank you. <3

  • Ana February 27, 2017, 11:10 am

    I love this! This is totally on point!

    If my boss at work wasn’t giving me dirty looks all the time, I would totally have blue hair! I keep saying that when I get more grays, I will start dying my hair blue.

    Thank you for this!

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