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Riding it Out

I’ve never ridden a mechanical bull, probably for the same reason why I struggle with watching shows like Shameless and Breaking Bad; I need an escape from my wild life, not more of it. But what I do ride, however, is my own personal pendulum. It’s a mindset of sorts that takes me from one extreme to another with the hope of one day settling down somewhere in the peaceful middle. That day has yet to come.

There was a time when all I lived for was to make everyone else happy, to make everyone else healthy, and to make everyone else love me. Fast forward to future Suzy, where IDidn’tGAF. A psychiatrist once told me that this is also called emotional burnout–where one has lost both hope and empathy. Thankfully, today, I can say that IDoGAF, but only after a process of establishing healthy personal boundaries.

Have you ever had to erect boundaries? There is nothing that will make us look more like a class A bitch than boundaries that appear out of nowhere. What used to be okay for others to do to us is all of a sudden not okay, and well, Others don’t like it very much. Others get mad. Others might leave. Bye, Others. Because chances are good that we’re flying way up high on our pendulum, cheeks pressed back from the velocity of the upswing, where everything that used to matter so much is now all of a sudden so small.

Being a bitch has its perks but it doesn’t suit me, not because I’m nicer than that but because I’m not young and hot enough for the role. I can’t deny my motherly heart, my pull to nurture and feed and the fact that deep down, sometimes deeper than is healthy, I have hope.

Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? Is it something I really have to do, or can I pass?

Do you see yourself as a bitch? Do others? Why or why not?

 

{ 18 comments… add one }
  • Juan de Fuca July 6, 2017, 9:50 pm

    Eres el toro!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:48 pm

      I just had time to sit down and Google translate your comment and I probably love your comment more than any other comment I’ve ever read in my entire life. I AM THE BULL. FUCK YEAHHHHHH BAYBEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Susie @ Suzlyfe July 7, 2017, 5:23 am

    Alex wrenched his wrist riding a mechanical bull earlier this spring. The guy who was operating it (so… the operator) was a jerk and did it on purpose because Alex is big and strong and could hold on, no problem.
    I tend to ride things out, or I am incredibly impatient and leave immediately.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:47 pm

      The operator obvy had insecurity issues. What a moron.

      And yeah, I’m the same as you. Totally.

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home July 7, 2017, 5:31 am

    Before I took my leave of absence from work, I was seeing a therapist to help me deal with my new diagnosis. What I really was struggling with was burnout in my job. I didn’t get much out of the sessions, but one thing she told me that helped was to “detach”. It’s not the same as not GAF, but just not getting emotionally involved in everything really helped a lot. Now that I’m back, it’s going much better. I hope it lasts.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:46 pm

      Yeah, I really REALLY like that term “detachment.” It’s like a pull-back, a protective stance rather than an aggressive one. I like it. I’m gonna use it. I’m glad it helped you, and I’m glad things are going much better. <3

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run July 7, 2017, 6:08 am

    Boundaries are good! I feel like most people I come across are socially savvy enough to not cross the boundaries, but when people do it is soooo weird. Like people who don’t take no for an answer. My first thought is, “okay there must be something wrong with me, I am being mean, I must give in” but over the past couple years I have changed to, “no, this person is the one doing something wrong!”

    I rode a mechanical bull at my uncle’s picnic once. You can pass!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:44 pm

      Yes yes yes, I know what you mean. Freddy uses the term “cringey” to describe super awkward social situations. Boundary-crossing feels palpable; it fills a room. It’s like dogs at a dog park and the alpha dog remains while the rest of the dogs tuck their tails between their legs and leave.

      You’d be so good at the mechanical bull!

  • Ana July 7, 2017, 7:38 am

    You have such a beautiful way with words! I agree, it’s hard to find that easy swing of the pendulum, especially with family.

    I have been told that I’m a bitch at work, a few times, and I’ve said there is a difference between being a bitch and not caring… and I just don’t care for being fake to have others like me.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:43 pm

      SO TRUE about your comment “especially with family.” They are THE HARDEST people to have healthy boundaries with because there are so many emotions involved!!!!

      I love how strong and emotionally healthy you are. RESPECT.

  • Gretchen July 7, 2017, 9:33 am

    I certainly hope I’m not seen as a bitch to anyone, but I’m sure someone’s thought that way of me at one point or another. I’ve always thought of myself as easy going and happy-go-lucky, but at work one of my co-workers told me that I’m the person that people don’t f-with because I don’t take any crap. That’s always a balance I’m working on- not getting stepped on or taken advantage of, but also not being overly aggressive and ending up being a bitch. Know what I mean?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:42 pm

      I would never think of you as a bitch, but I would think that you’re someone who people respect and look up to for sure. I love it. It sounds like you achieved the perfect balance!

  • San July 7, 2017, 11:51 am

    Oh my, I know that place so well…. I was the person with NO boundaries and when I started putting them up, people thought that I was the problem, not their behavior. Ha!
    Wisdom does come with age though and working on the right balance is key.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:40 pm

      YEP. That’s what happens when we first put boundaries up–everyone gets SO MAD at US! But we gotta stick it out, because it’s the right thing to do, in light of the big picture. Like eating vegetables, or going to sleep early.

  • Meranda@Fairytalesandfitness July 7, 2017, 1:55 pm

    You make some very valid points here! It’s human nature (or maybe just women’s nature) to want to take care of everything and everybody but the older I get the more “detached” I try to be. Not because I want to be mean, but at some point things just aren’t my problem!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 7, 2017, 6:38 pm

      A couple of you guys used the term “detached” and I think you nailed it! Detached sounds a lot better than bitchy! And detachment is healthy! In the right situations of course! Thanks Meranda!

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets July 10, 2017, 12:40 pm

    Mechanical bulls are overrated. That being said, you should try it once just so you can say you did.

    Boundaries are healthy. Boundaries are nurturing. Boundaries are showing empathy for yourself and ultimately others.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com July 10, 2017, 4:50 pm

      YEAH!!!!

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