I’ve never ridden a mechanical bull, probably for the same reason why I struggle with watching shows like Shameless and Breaking Bad; I need an escape from my wild life, not more of it. But what I do ride, however, is my own personal pendulum. It’s a mindset of sorts that takes me from one extreme to another with the hope of one day settling down somewhere in the peaceful middle. That day has yet to come.
There was a time when all I lived for was to make everyone else happy, to make everyone else healthy, and to make everyone else love me. Fast forward to future Suzy, where IDidn’tGAF. A psychiatrist once told me that this is also called emotional burnout–where one has lost both hope and empathy. Thankfully, today, I can say that IDoGAF, but only after a process of establishing healthy personal boundaries.
Have you ever had to erect boundaries? There is nothing that will make us look more like a class A bitch than boundaries that appear out of nowhere. What used to be okay for others to do to us is all of a sudden not okay, and well, Others don’t like it very much. Others get mad. Others might leave. Bye, Others. Because chances are good that we’re flying way up high on our pendulum, cheeks pressed back from the velocity of the upswing, where everything that used to matter so much is now all of a sudden so small.
Being a bitch has its perks but it doesn’t suit me, not because I’m nicer than that but because I’m not young and hot enough for the role. I can’t deny my motherly heart, my pull to nurture and feed and the fact that deep down, sometimes deeper than is healthy, I have hope.
Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? Is it something I really have to do, or can I pass?
Do you see yourself as a bitch? Do others? Why or why not?