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“Spray” Paint

I recently just learned about the art of anal bleaching. For some reason we’ve all been given this darker patch of skin around our balloon knots, right? Please say yes. Don’t leave me alone on this one or I’ll die.

And so some people like to have their belts match their purses, so they bleach their bums. Literally. Like, with bleach cream.

I stood naked in our ensuite and thought it might be good for me to get to know my own bum shade. So I twisted around to get a good lookyloo at my arse, pulled a bum cheek out just as Andrew walked by and looked in at me. I had some explaining to do and then Andrew embarked on some investigation of his own.

We’ve all got these dark parts, these sections of our lives that we keep clenched and hidden but in the strength that comes with vulnerability and with the trust and love of a sacred person we can let the light in, and the shit out.

Have you ever investigated your bum? Is it dark?

The first time I looked I found a freckle that I horrifyingly thought was a spot of poo and I totally freaked out.

Have you ever bleached your anus? Would you ever?

{ 23 comments… add one }
  • Jen March 10, 2016, 8:36 pm

    I…WHATNOW??? THIS IS A THING? Wow. People. Just…no. This blog is very educational.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 7:36 am

      It’s a thing! Apparently. And I’d love to know how many people went straight to their bathroom mirror to check things out down there after reading this.

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe March 11, 2016, 3:41 am

    You are so weird. But I love you.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 7:35 am

      Okay, phew.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets March 11, 2016, 3:50 am

    I like to hide those dark spots, at least those particular ones, and pretend they don’t exist. 🙂 Ignorance is bliss.

    I do have a freckle on my female bits though which has grown exponentially since getting knocked up. She (or is it a He) might take over the world down there.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 7:35 am

      Squeeeeeze those cheeks together.

      The freckles get fuhreeeeeky, hey? Nipples go crazy dark too. What a life.

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run March 11, 2016, 5:36 am

    I have never bleached my anus! I feel like I would invest in getting my hair professionally colored before I would spring for that!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 7:34 am

      We’re talking about head hair, right?

      • Megan @ Meg Go Run March 11, 2016, 3:21 pm

        I fucking knew you were going to ask that and almost clarified!!!!!

        • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 7:08 pm

          Imagine if you had so much bum hair that you’d have to pay to get it professionally coloured?

          • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 7:09 pm

            It would take the term “streaks” to a whole new level.

  • Heather@hungryforbalance March 11, 2016, 6:37 am

    BAHAHAHAHAHA! That was the best text conversation I’ve ever had!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 7:33 am

      I hadn’t even had a sip of wine before I started that one up!

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes March 11, 2016, 7:54 am

    Oh gosh, it’s like that Bridesmaids movie, isn’t it? That movie disgusted Ryan and I laughed all the way through it, which shows how crude my humor can be. Have you seen Bridesmaids?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 8:17 am

      I’ve seen it! It’s so gross. AWESOME.

  • Ange // Cowgirl Runs March 11, 2016, 10:29 am

    Hysterical. OMG.
    I’m going to put that in the hard pass column. No many nopes.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 10:31 am

      Right? I don’t carry a purse or wear a belt too often so I don’t need to worry about matching anything up, thankyouverymuch. Whatever that means.

  • Corry March 11, 2016, 11:06 am

    I would totally bleach mine and it could use it. I’ve gone so far as to inquire about it. I would rather just do it at home, than have it professionally done though. I have a freckle there too…wonder if that’ll bleach out?

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 11, 2016, 2:19 pm

      Thank you for that, Corry. Brave you. And we must be totally twinning with our matching butt freckles!

  • Rosey Rebecca March 12, 2016, 3:59 pm

    Just stumbled across your blog and glad I did! This post made me laugh. I’ve never inspected my ‘arse’ and I don’t plan to anytime soon. It’s back there doing its thang and I won’t interfere with that.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 12, 2016, 6:58 pm

      My arse rules as well. It’s my body’s dictator. I just call it Captain “D” for short.

  • Allison March 14, 2016, 10:10 am

    My sister in law is an esthetician and the other one is a hairdresser. I know for sure they do Brazilians because, well, those are expensive and they don’t charge me. They also do laser hair removal, which we started instead of Brazilians but are painful as FUCK. If I wanted my hole bleached, I think they could do it. I’ll ask them tonight. I will also ask what the process is lie, and how much it costs and report back. Now that you know all about my vag, you can move on with your regularly scheduled day.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 14, 2016, 12:43 pm

      I used to get brazillions but the last lady that did it took off a layer of skin and I was traumatized. Plus the ingrown hairs that grew in after were frigging nightmares. I just shave. I’m used to it. Coconut oil is where its at. And so there ya go, now you know all about my vag too. It’s going to be a good Monday.

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