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Suzy’s Gift Guide

I feel like everywhere I go, I see bloggers doing gift guides. Buy these shoes, these ear pods, these compression socks and I’m just like, enough already. If you need a gift guide to buy something for someone you actually give a fuck about, then let your own cold little heart be your guide.

This is not one of those posts.

So, if you’re related to me, then you should probably just close this up and go online shopping at the Gap or something. Here is the link, just in case you’re too shocked to move.

Need a perfect gift for someone who loves weekend-long scrapbooking retreats?

A big dildo.

What about your boss, that always calls you “Sandy” instead of your real name “Sadie?”

A teacher?

Alcohol. Skip the Starbucks cards. All the alcohol.

What about a gift for a friend in your running group?

Toilet paper. Not 3-ply, though. Don’t get excited. It clogs.

Your favourite nephew?

Subscription to Sports Illustrated, wrap up the swimsuit edition, and tape it shut with scratch and sniff banana stickers.

Your favourite niece?

Subscription to Sports Illustrated, wrap up the swimsuit edition, and tape it shut with scratch and sniff banana stickers. And a big dildo.

Your kids?

Stuff $200 into a game of Monopoly, wrap it up and when they open it, tell them they can deposit it when they go. Ahhh just kidding. But if you do give them money, trust them with it, and hope they don’t blow the whole thing on Starbucks caramel frappuccinos.

Your spouse?

Give them the gift of trust and vulnerability. Strip down, and with grace and courage, fall back into them and let love hold you both up over the next few weeks. Stay close. Laugh. Reach out when everything within you says hold back. Lock eyes, don’t shift. Hold strong. Let love win; it wants to, but it needs you to first let go.

No wonder Gretch‘s workplace blocks her from viewing my blog.

Does your workplace block you from my website? What about your own moral judgement? Or do you push through it?

Do you have to buy a gift for someone you don’t give a fuck about? What are you getting them?

Have you ever re-gifted anything? Details please!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

{ 24 comments… add one }
  • Megan @ Meg Go Run December 13, 2016, 7:42 pm

    Haha no my work doesn’t block you. Not that I check blogs at work… πŸ˜‰ I need to do something while I eat my lunch!

    I do regift things from time to time. I actually keep a box in my basement of things that I receive but know I will never use. I only regift things that I think someone would truly like. This year, I am regifting a yellow duck piggy bank to my niece. She was OBSESSED with the rubber duckies at swimming lessons.

    I do not like the running gift guides either. I normally skip them. I don’t care.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 13, 2016, 8:27 pm

      I feel like we share a brain, and after our snaps today, a heart. As much as you’re an Atheist and me a Theist, we really do share a very close worldview. I’d say I share more of your worldview than any of my Christian counterparts, and holy shit isn’t THAT a statement. <3

      Anyway. Regifting is bomb. I hate spending money so if I can stack up some goods and then share the love? TOTALLY DOING IT.

      • Megan @ Meg Go Run December 14, 2016, 7:08 am

        One of the reasons I have become more outspoken about being an atheist is not because I want people to know that most humans share the same important values no matter their religion or lack thereof. So I guess it doesn’t surprise me that we have a similar world view!!

        • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:26 am

          Makes sense to me!

  • Lisa @ Mile by Mile December 14, 2016, 2:01 am

    I actually do think your website is blocked at my work! I never read blogs at work, but I do remember once trying to get on for some reason and it was blocked.
    At this point I am really tired of reading gift guides. A few weeks ago I found them so helpful to start getting ideas. I also learned about all the new running gadgets to add to my wish list!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:31 am

      Gift guides can get me poor in a hot hurry.

  • Allie Capo-Burdick December 14, 2016, 2:55 am

    LOL!!! Now THIS is the gift guide I have been looking for!!
    Luckily, I have no issues accessing all kinds of porn sites…including yours πŸ™‚
    Happy holidays!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:30 am

      Heh heh… thanks Allie! πŸ™‚ Happy Holidays!

  • Amy Lauren S. December 14, 2016, 3:22 am

    Our starbucks serves alcohol here from 4-7! It’s near a school and that’s conveniently close to the time teachers get off.

    I love your gift guide. Thanks for keeping it real and not being like other bloggers where every gift is a sponsored item that’s overpriced and something most runners don’t even need.

    My job doesn’t block your blog or others but I am conscious about what I read there because I like my job :). And I know I can always read when I get off or on my phone.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:30 am

      Wait, WHAT?!?! Your Starbucks serves ALCOHOL?!?! Mind. Blown.

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe December 14, 2016, 3:38 am

    My workplace can try and block you. JUST TRY! I hope this comment is going through, because why you don’t get blocked, I left a comment yesterday and your site accused me of being a spam bot.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:29 am

      Yeah, it blocked everyone yesterday. Super frustrating. I deleted a plug-in and that seemed to do the trick.

  • meredith (The Cookie ChRUNicles) December 14, 2016, 5:20 am

    THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:29 am

      Well, my runners are almost here so we can wear our mint green and white shoes together while we mingle with the over 70-crowd at the country club and have some fun!

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home December 14, 2016, 5:35 am

    Damn, I clicked that link and what has been seen won’t be unseen. Because Amazon will now post that in the items I have been interested in….

    My work blocks all wordpress blogs, not just porno blogs. So it isn’t you, it’s me…

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:28 am

      HA HA HA! I’m so sorry.

  • Ana December 14, 2016, 6:38 am

    Ja ja ja!! this is the best thing ever!! I hope your blog doesn’t think I’m a spammer, it has been blocking me since yesterday.

    I decided a long time ago, that if I don’t care about somebody, I just don’t bother with getting them a gift.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 7:27 am

      Yes! And then the people who we DO want to buy for, get the extra thought and time and energy we would have used up on buying gifts for people that we don’t really want to buy for.

      I had something funky going on with my blog yesterday, but I think I fixed it.

  • Nikki December 14, 2016, 11:52 am

    My work randomly blocks your block…I try to get to it all the time and today is the first day it let me get to it! I haven’t been able to get to it for MONTHS! But I can’t see all the pretty pictures…they are blocked lol πŸ™
    We don’t really buy for too many people…mostly my nephew since he’s the only kid…but this year we are buying for my mom, sis & her fiancΓ©…but that’s really it…we don’t see much family at Christmas and the majority of Phil’s family doesn’t buy for each other either – I LIKE IT! lol

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 14, 2016, 1:40 pm

      I don’t like the whole consumerism part of Christmas, mostly because it’s primarily everyone else that gets gifts, I have to buy them, and I get dick all. LOL. Jk. But ya, I mean getting stressed out about buying gifts for people seems so anti-Christmas to me!

      It’s so ironic that this post was the first one that your work didn’t block. I’m a bit in shock.

  • Karen December 16, 2016, 6:43 am

    haha, I am not blocked!
    I hate doing the small item gifts thing with co-workers. I just can’t…so today I came with meatballs and potato salad and if they want to partake merry christmas from me lol if not…so sad.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 16, 2016, 8:55 am

      Meatballs and potato salad are my love language, so count me in!

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets December 17, 2016, 7:32 am

    Thank goodness you went this route because when I read the headline, I though “Oh no, not another gift guide dammit.”

    I think everyone needs a big dildo and some booze. It’s the perfect gift for all. πŸ™‚ Maybe a side of lube too.

  • San December 19, 2016, 10:04 am

    Well, that’s another type of gift guide. Thank you πŸ™‚ and yes, I have re-gifted things… but only if I knew that the other person would like what I couldn’t use… πŸ™‚

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