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Under (the) Covers

Andrew and I have two wedding anniversaries, and neither of us remember the dates and quite honestly, the years. If we sat down and calculated it then I’m sure we’d figure it out but why would we waste precious making out time with math equations? Fuck that.

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We just spent gobs of money on our weekend in Seattle, validating the splurge with the idea that it is (one of) our wedding anniversaries, after all. Until his mom informed us that we got married mid-July last year, not June.

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A few years ago on a quiet evening in October we exchanged rings and blended our families, spoke vows from our hearts to each other and to our children, our parents and our siblings. We couldn’t legally marry because Andrew’s divorce hit Supreme Court and not enough bodies were sacrificed at that point to rule a final order, so we, you know, we did it under the table.

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I’m going to tell you a secret.

Getting divorced pulls the rug out of everything you have ever known to be true.

Divorce survivors second-guess the goodness of spinach and the rules of gravity and so when a few of us blind idiots get remarried, or involve ourselves in a new committed relationship, we pretty much set out to sabotage it just to test it. We think oh hey, let’s blow this shit up and see if it survives. Right? So true.

I flushed the first ring that Andrew gave me, and minutes later, he threw his away. I literally flushed my ring. Downstairs powder room toilet. Boom. Gone.

When you find your everything, the primal, fear-driven animal takes over as a way of self-preservation. Which works in the animal kingdom, sure. But we are humans, built for connection and intimacy and so fear ends up being our ultimate demise.

Fear has turned me into someone I am not proud of, but by grace Love has been stronger.

For those of you who are dabbling with new relationships after a broken heart: Make sure your dysfunction matches your partner’s. It doesn’t have to be the same (it wouldn’t be anyway!) but it’s got to yin the fuck out of your yang.

Grace. Laugh. Try again. See the little boy or the little girl in their eyes when they’re being a douche but don’t be condescending. Believe in magic. Make sure you love watching them eat. Love them so much that you’d be happy to snap open a beer on the bathroom counter while they take a poo.
Have you ever really thought about gravity?
Do you like watching your loved ones eat, or does it gross you out?
Any advice you want to add to this post?

 

 

{ 18 comments… add one }
  • Megan @ Meg Go Run June 15, 2016, 7:39 pm

    “Make sure you love watching them eat. Love them so much that you’d be happy to snap open a beer on the bathroom counter while they take a poo.”

    Ummmm NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. But I love Paul, I swear. 🙂 I have helped him pee and take a shower after brain surgery though, so that has to count for something!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 15, 2016, 7:43 pm

      It’s metaphorical, Meg!!! I think you both have lived out your love for each other and it more than counts for something–it’s everything. <3

  • Helly June 15, 2016, 8:06 pm

    It’s just not normal how much Ben and love each other. People tell us all the time. I’ve very happily watched him poo in the toilet. ♡

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 8:18 am

      HA HA HA! You’re the BEST!!!!

  • Susie @ Suzlyfe June 16, 2016, 3:29 am

    The being about to watch someone eat is critical. You better believe it was one of the first things I vetted with Alex.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 8:18 am

      It’s a make or break.

  • Amy Lauren June 16, 2016, 3:38 am

    Happy… anniversary of sorts? I say it doesn’t matter when you celebrate really. Clay and I had to plan our wedding date around school and we thought it was his spring break (he was going back for a 2nd degree, we were 25). Turns out the school changed the week of Spring Break so we came home from the wedding and he did homework and stuff. We went out for ice cream after, lol. Not exactly glamorous.

    It doesn’t bother me to watch people eat… unless they’re just gross, then it doesn’t matter if they’re a loved one or not.

    I love your wedding pictures! Your dress is awesome and the kind of dress I like (simple, shorter, etc).

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 8:18 am

      “It doesn’t bother me to watch people eat… unless they’re just gross, then it doesn’t matter if they’re a loved one or not.” <-- HA HA HA HA!!!! The best.

  • Meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles June 16, 2016, 6:37 am

    Funny you should mention loving to watch them eat. I could not stand watching or listening to a boyfriend of mine chew! it was so awful but the truth is, he wasn’t the one. I couldn’t stand a lot of the things he did which were harmless but annoyed me. the right person doesn’t annoy me with daily functions. so thank you for reminding me I made the right decision. he would have married me and I would have been miserable just because, it wasn’t right.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 8:17 am

      Yep, and you would have built up all this frustration and resentment and then just LOSE it on him.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes June 16, 2016, 7:27 am

    The person you eat almost every meal with can’t annoy you with their chewing. Otherwise that would just lead to tiny bits of resentment that add up. Ryan and I have a lot of the same mannerisms and pet peeves, which is why I think we work so well.
    We also splurge on trips to celebrate our marriage at weird times of year, like when we went to London. It was the five year anniversary of when we met, but neither of us thought of that when booking the trip. Marriage is marked not just by a legal/sacramental union on one day, but unions everyday. Enjoy your trip to Seattle!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 8:16 am

      Yes to all of it! Seattle’s weather is supposed to be PERFECT for the marathon on Saturday!! Woohoo!

  • Linda @ Veganosity June 16, 2016, 9:00 am

    My husband chews with his mouth closed (thank God) but his mouth echoes. I swear, he can make a marshmallow sound like a bunch of sunflower seeds! I love him anyway. We’ve been together for 36 years and married for 27. He’s my best friend and the only one besides my kids who I’d die for. Sometimes you just have to turn up the music or television so you don’t notice the imperfections. That’s what I do when we eat together. 😉

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 10:05 am

      Ha ha ha! So funny! I’m speaking metaphorically, of course. We don’t have to literally love watching them eat, more so just love them through the intimate, primal, potentially gross moments. 36 years is a long time. I have much, MUCH respect for you two. 🙂

  • Ange // Cowgirl Runs June 16, 2016, 9:19 am

    “Make sure your dysfunction matches your partner’s.”
    Ha! So much yes!
    Also, we must be brain twinning today since I wrote a post about online dating and just how fucking awful it is.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 1:45 pm

      I’ve never really dated, let alone online dated! I know lots of people who have though, and while they have some OUTRAGEOUS stories, most of them ended up being partnered with great people! I’m going over to your blog now to check it out. 🙂

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets June 16, 2016, 2:13 pm

    We’re kind of the opposites attract pair. He’s the extrovert to my introvert. He’s the spontaneous to my planning. He mellows me out and I structure him up or maybe he just mellows me out. He did pick up my road rage though. Oops.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com June 16, 2016, 4:08 pm

      Road rage is VERY contagious.

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