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Walls Down

This is… going to be messy.

I wanted to write a poem about mothering and all I got out were these two lines:

Inside flutter, I have sewn

Someone whom I’ve always known

And then I stopped. Because Callum’s toy box lid closed down hard onto his forehead for the 56th time, so I had to put down the laptop to lose my shit; I dumped every piece of primary coloured plastic into a Rubbermaid container and tossed the mother fucker (toy box, not Callum) out the back patio door. Callum loves his new “toy box” because he can now hoist the thing up and over to dump the contents all over the floor.

Kids just know how to deal. In fact, I believe the younger we are the better we are at processing pain and in fact I swear that with each passing year we become more and more handicapped in our ability to express frustration. Because more hurt equals more walls and more walls equals a higher fucking chance that they’re going to fall on our heads.

Wide open spaces save lives. They save lives.

Into the great wide open, grown

Returning to me, not my own



{ 12 comments… add one }
  • Susie @ SuzLyfe December 8, 2016, 3:44 am

    If only processing pain was as easy as getting tricked by a hug and an ice cream

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 8, 2016, 8:07 am

      Oooooh, no doubt. I’ve got sensitive teeth, though.

  • Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home December 8, 2016, 5:13 am

    I just laugh when I see a little one have a meltdown–dramatically throwing themselves on the ground–because wouldn’t it be great if we could do that when we are having a bad day? No wonder so many of us have stress related illnesses–we have to hold all that in!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 8, 2016, 8:06 am

      SO TRUE!!!!! This reminds me of when I was forced to go to therapy when I was a teenager and my therapist gave me a baseball bat and a pillow and I was to hit the pillow as hard as I could to get out all my hurt and anger. I nearly used it on him.

  • Helly December 8, 2016, 8:48 am

    I’ve thought a lot about this. We tell our kids to talk and tell us why they’re sad/mad but we adults don’t talk or share why we’re mad/sad. We hold all that shit in and then wonder why we explode and lose our shit when we’ve had *enough*.
    My husband is a good talker. I’m not and it’s something I’m working on.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 8, 2016, 4:32 pm

      SO TRUE. We bottle up the sad and mad until it we come unglued and homicidal. I can feel it right now. I need to punch something. Ha ha!

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes December 8, 2016, 10:29 am

    My mom tells me that I used to throw the most dramatic temper tantrums in public (she also had to use one of those kiddie leashes for me because even then I couldn’t stay still). That’s probably a lot, lot healthier than how I coped with frustration and upset in my early 20s, which was to bottle it all in until I could make it home to cry. I also miss how a cookie could easily fix a bad mood as a child!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 8, 2016, 4:31 pm

      I can NOT picture you throwing dramatic temper tantrums! You’re such a sweet girl!!! 😉

  • Lisa @ Mile by Mile December 8, 2016, 4:13 pm

    I would definitely agree that we get worse at dealing with pain as we get older! Although I think in adulthood it ebbs and flows depending on where you are in your life. I think I had a more difficult time expressing my emotions when I was in my mid-20s compared to now.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com December 8, 2016, 4:30 pm

      You’re right! Something happens in our teen years where we just learn how to shut down. When we’re kids, we can express our pain no problem. When we hit the teen years, we take a giant step back, and then slowly start learning how to deal as we get older and more mature with experience! That’s the hope, anyway.

  • Ana December 9, 2016, 9:53 am

    This is absolutely true!! I feel the more I learn about the world, the scariest and more awful it becomes.

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets December 10, 2016, 8:24 am

    Pain does mean walls and sometimes for good reason, although mostly not. If only we could always toss all the pain off the back patio.

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