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Week in Review: Poo Sue

I wish my Week in Review could be cuter than it is. I wish it could be filled with adorable ultrasound pictures, of Callum holding up his latest playdough creation, or of Jake with his cast off (he got his cast off! and then got strep throat!) or of a deliciously warm slab of homemade bread smothered in melty butter, perched upon the countertop on a red and white checkered towel, highlighted by streams of sunlight pouring through the kitchen window.

No.

The real life Week in Review is not cute despite its adorable host Meghan from Clean Eats Fast Feets. Whomp, here it is:

What an ordeal. I started to develop a wicked stomach ache on Wednesday of last week. Not a nauseous stomach ache but a cramping, gassy one, except without the relief of being able to fart or poop. Almost like throwing a blindfolded teenage boy into a room of naked models. It was awful. I mean, I wasn’t constipated; I had my regular morning poops but then the stomach cramps that would develop during the day were so painful, like my intestines were twisting, and anytime I felt like maybe a fart was developing I’d get so excited, so nervous. Like I’d think okay maybe this will be the fart that makes me feel better! And I’d almost kill it like how we can kill a sneeze if we jinx it with our desperation.

No farts came. No relief. More cramps.

I posted for help on Facebook, asking people about gallstones and everyone was so kind and so helpful but I quickly realized that my issue was not gallbladder related. Plus it felt really gastrointestinal. I could almost feel the matter pushing past a certain spot along my guts that hurt like a MF. My stomach itself, like my actual stomach was so sore, even when I lightly pushed on it from the outside.

And then a hero came along–she gave me strength to carry on.

My friend Tammy, who also happened to be the labour and delivery nurse at Callum’s delivery, messaged me about my stomach pains and she told me that even though I’m still able to poop, I might still have some partial blockage in there that’s causing me pain. Since the pregnant body’s GI tract slows down digestion so much, everything in there gets quite sluggish, even stuck, and often needs help being pushed through with some stool softeners. So, at 7am right after she texted me, I dropped everything (including a poop) and headed to the store. I stirred the powder into a glass of water and waited for the show to begin.

Nothing.

But as the day wore on, my cramps began to die down and by 2pm I was able to do a light short run. When I got back, I ate a few slices of pizza and lo and behold I heard and felt the rumbles within that would bring the with, out. I so wish I put the next 20 minutes on YouTube because I’d have made millions.

No poo, but farts for dayyyyyyyyzzzz. Ridiculously long farts that would go up a note, hold a note, go down a note, and then turn a corner, somersault, and end with a handspring. It was epic.

I did the same thing the next day: drank the drink, waited for the rumbles and did the farts and with each passing hour and blast of gas, my stomach cramps died down from emergent to a second glance and for this, I am forever indebted to Tammy.

Thank you, Tammy, for helping me. Thank you to my friends and family who messaged me privately with encouragement, suggestions, and jokes. Thank you to my readers for loving me through so many poo posts, and thank you to my number one fan, my number one contributor towards both my ability to poo and to write about it, my Daddoo. Always, your Poo Sue.

How badly do you want those pants? Or the bike called Lightening?

How safe do I look back there, eh?

Give me another metaphor besides a blindfolded teenage boy in a room filled with naked models.

 

{ 24 comments… add one }
  • meredith (The Cookie ChRUNicles) March 27, 2017, 8:26 am

    love the pants and how cute you look on the back of the bike! What year is that? 78? 79? I love that we were both born in 78 lol. I am glad you are feeling better! stomach pain is the absolute worst.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 2:42 pm

      I feel like just super rad on the back of bikes. I once rode on the back of a crotch rocket. The guy took me a zillion kilometers and hour, took me to a beach, fed me a picnic and beer, and it was quite possibly the best day of my life. Except the guy was a total dick. So, there’s that.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 2:43 pm

      Oh, and it was 1978 for sure. I was born in January and this looks like September or something.

  • Susie @ Suzlyfe March 27, 2017, 9:52 am

    Glad that you are feeling better. I’ve been on and off stool softeners for years, to be honest. Miralax is a gem.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 2:41 pm

      Miralax. I think I saw that in the store. I can’t recall the name of the stuff I took. All I know is that I had to mix the powder into water.

  • Helly on the Run March 27, 2017, 10:44 am

    You wouldn’t be you without poo. <3

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 2:40 pm

      I’ll stop fighting it.

  • Ana March 27, 2017, 12:39 pm

    I’m glad that the gas pain went away!

    Those pants are super cool!! I think my mom had a pair like them!

    Aww!! what a cutie baby Suzy!! The things we survived!

    There is really no better metaphor than yours… but here is mine… like a catholic on a lent Friday, at Five Guys Burgers. Do you have Five Guys Burgers in Canada? I’m not good at metaphors.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 2:40 pm

      We do! We do have Five Guys up here! Their burgers are really delicious. I love how they give out free peanuts while we wait. YUM. I forgot about that place. I need to go.

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run March 27, 2017, 2:31 pm

    If you week in review was as described in the first paragraph, I probably wouldn’t be reading it!

    It kind of looks like you are holding on to the sides of that- I’m sure that made you super safe! 😉

    I’m glad you figured out your stomach. That sounds really painful.

  • Lisa @ Mile by Mile March 27, 2017, 3:37 pm

    That picture is the best! Im so glad you got some relief.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 5:53 pm

      Ha ha thank you Lisa!

  • San March 27, 2017, 4:00 pm

    Oh my, I hate stomach cramps without relief… I am glad you got it figured out.

    Also: your Dad is so hip! Love the pants! 🙂

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 5:53 pm

      He really is. Really.

  • Jamie@TheMomGene March 27, 2017, 6:01 pm

    I have never been in so much pain as I was when pregnant and constipated. Tears and rolling around in the bed like I was possessed. I finally did the Miralax thing and never looked back. Pure bliss. That’s actually the one thing I dread about trying to get pregnant again!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 27, 2017, 6:05 pm

      See, this is new to me. I’ve never been constipated ever! I guess this time I was partial constipated? Is that even a thing? And obviously I was a ninny about it!

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets March 28, 2017, 7:36 am

    You make me want to get a bike with a little seat for Ave, although the bonnet is all you. You’re rocking that frilly hat.

    Despite being a champion back door bouncer, I got incredibly uncomfortable the last few weeks of pregnancy and pretty much lived on a stool softener. It didn’t matter how many veggies I ate, that Colace was a life saver.

    Fart on my friend, fart on.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 28, 2017, 9:07 am

      A champion back door bouncer – LOLOLOL! Okay, THAT is funny. I hope my dad reads that comment.

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes March 28, 2017, 8:38 am

    I am so glad to hear that you got relief! I had stomach cramps like that after the Portland Marathon (and I wasn’t pregnant, obviously, just faint of stomach)…they’re miserable.
    You are so adorable on the back of that bike!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 28, 2017, 9:06 am

      I remember you had those issues. HORRIBLE AWFUL things.

  • Ange // Cowgirl Runs March 28, 2017, 8:42 am

    I’m not ashamed to admit that few things are as great as a good poo. For real.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 28, 2017, 9:05 am

      It’s like a fresh start. A New Years party with a splash.

  • J@n March 29, 2017, 2:31 pm

    Did I ever send you the link to my ordeal, which might be called ‘The Shite Before Xmas’? If not, here it is (although I’ve reworked it since): http://bit.ly/2oioia1

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com March 29, 2017, 3:24 pm

      Yes! I love it! I love how I have a poo accomplice in you!

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