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Woozy Wednesday: Sausage or Taco?

I almost published a Woozy Wednesday post but then I re-read it and got super bored, so I decided to put Rhianna’s “Work” on repeat as inspiration to hammer out something more exciting.

When I was single, a season of life that lasted about as long as a sneeze, I’d always say this thing whenever I started getting tipsy. A bunch of us would all be out at a pub or hanging out at someone’s house having drinks and sure enough, give me a couple glasses of wine and this is what would happen:

If I had a ponytail in, the elastic would come out and I’d gather up my hair and coral it over my left shoulder, twisting it around and around until I got to the end. And then? I’d turn whatever we were talking about into how pain and pleasure are on the same continuum. As a totally awkward social-phobe, this particular topic was a crowd pleaser, probably because of its whole sexual vibe.

Check out THIS bad boy from 2011. Sexayyyyyy!


So that’s what I’m doing right now. My hair is all wild and unruly, spilling down over my left side, and I’m making that statement where I say pain and pleasure are on the same continuum. It was always more dramatic in person though because I’d trace a circle in the air with my finger and say “pleasure” while I drag my finger down along the circumference of the faux sphere, look up in feigned surprise, state “pain!” while continuing the motion along the bottom, up the other side and back into “pleasure.” Ohhhhh… Ahhhh…

By the way, while we’re on it, I think femininity and masculinity are on two separate lines, so that we are neither one nor the other. I can have fully masculine qualities at the exact same time as I have fully feminine qualities; I don’t have to choose. Here’s an example: Have you ever met a guy and thought he was totally gay but then found out he is married to a woman and they have kids that look like the both of them and they grope each other under the table while you’re on a double dinner date? Guys can have a penis and huge biceps and they can crave vagina like Tiger but at the same time they can have an innate desire to scrapbook their baby’s first year of life, buy Vogue magazines and order dressing on the side. THERE ARE NO RULES. And if you’re going to start quoting Bible verses at me? Don’t. K? Or if you need to try and save me, take me to Milestones first. After all, pain and pleasure are on the same continuum.

Okay so, what do you think? Do you ever catch yourself saying “Whoa that guy is really feminine” or “That girl is super masculine”? And why do we think that a feminine male has gay tendencies? Why does being gay or lesbian have anything to do with anything?

You’re totally not going to answer those questions because they’re awkward. That’s okay. So answer this one instead:

If you’re a girl, are you wearing girly underwear? If so, what makes them girly?

HA HA. I tricked you.

Nobody is going to read this anymore.

{ 24 comments… add one }
  • Gretchen | Gretchruns February 24, 2016, 4:50 am

    A few things…
    I love and hate that rihanna song. I do this thing now that really annoys Dan, whenever I’m baking something I’ll put on that song and say “bake bake bake bake bake” over and over lol. I think it’s funny.

    I agree that people can have both masculine and feminine qualities and it doesn’t mean anything. Take Dan and me for example- you could definitely say he’s more feminine because he’s sensitive, holds a grudge, takes things personally, etc. I’m more masculine because I’m kind of cocky and self assured, I hate shopping, and I hate drama. Put us together and we’re a perfect match but some qualities are reversed!

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 7:58 am

      YES! EXACTLY! Like yin and yang. It all balances out in the end.

      That’s hilarious about the bake bake bake thing. You’re all kinds of awesome.

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe February 24, 2016, 5:06 am

    I think there are some “beautiful” men out there, and usually they are beautiful because they are somewhat feminine. I know a woman who is beautiful, but in a totally masculine way. So I’m not sure what to do about that.
    I am in middle, but still very much on the feminine side in terms of style and such. I feel like I used to be way more fem.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 7:57 am

      I have a friend who used to be very masculine in the way she dressed and in her mannerisms but then when she got divorced, she started turning more feminine, wearing dresses and necklaces and painting her nails all sparkly. It’s pretty incredible!

  • Megan @ Meg Go Run February 24, 2016, 5:21 am

    It annoys me when people assume men are gay if they have “feminine” qualities or women are lesbians if they have masculine qualities. It just continues stereotypes. I often have to politely inform people I work with of this. I work with a lot of older people and some of them, well, even though they are older than me, they must just live in a bubble or something and it keeps them hanging onto their stereotypes.

    I love talking about how sexual orientation is on a spectrum. One end of the spectrum is 100% straight and the other end of the spectrum is 100% gay, MOST people don’t fall at the 100% mark, but somewhere in between. Paul agrees with me, but of course he claims that he falls in the 100% straight category haha.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 7:56 am

      Oh yeah! That makes sense. And then to add to it, I’d say because people are dynamic beings, they can slide along the spectrum day to day, minute to minute. I’m not saying they go from straight to gay from gay to straight, I’m saying they can be at 32% one day and then 44% another. Right? Ooooooh deeeeep discussions. And all I’m drinking is coffee.

      • Megan @ Meg Go Run February 24, 2016, 8:05 am

        Yes, I COMPLETELY agree with the sliding.

        • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 4:29 pm

          I forgot what we were talking about and I had to go back and check the original post. I was like, sliding? How much did I drink when I wrote that post?!?! LOLOL

  • Allison February 24, 2016, 5:40 am

    Yep – I feel like I say that a lot! But I never thought of it that way – like I totally think the feminine male is gay, but most times don’t question if the masculine chick is a lesbian. Weird.

    My underwear is just black today. But my underwear can range from really girly to granny panties to something that was probably cute at one time but has seen better days. I never wear thongs. HATE THEM. Give me some boy shorts any day of the week and I’m in heaven.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 7:54 am

      I love the shorts you wear in your pole classes. They’re really cute! Thongs are good for their lack of underwear lines, and they’re something to get used to, that’s for sure. I like the seamless ones from La Senza (Canadian version of Victoria’s Secret).

      • Allison February 24, 2016, 8:28 am

        Ahhh – the pole shorts – those come from a site called “Bad Kitty”, haha! How can I not wear them. Because cats. <3

        • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 4:31 pm

          Hell yeah, cats! I’m checking out that website. The closest I’ve come to a pole is nearly walking straight into one with my head down while I’m texting. But I’d sure look cute while getting a concussion if I were wearing a pair of bad kitty shorts!

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes February 24, 2016, 5:43 am

    So much of it is culturally informed. One thing I loved in studying history was seeing how feminine and masculine qualities shifted. Men used to wear high heels and women fiercely ruled empires. Now the cultural norms seem more limiting.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 7:52 am

      Ah, my history buff friend. <3 That's right about the whole high heels for men thing! Crazy! Everybody gets all squirmy when they see and experience things that they're not used to. Just because we are uncomfortable with something, doesn't make it wrong. It just makes it uncomfortable.

  • meredith @ Cookie ChRUNicles February 24, 2016, 10:40 am

    LOl always making me laugh. Why don’t I like the new rihanna song? I want to. And I so know what you mean about the feminine men and masculine women lol ha.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 4:28 pm

      I actually don’t totally love the new Rhianna song. I’m obsessed with Sia’s Elastic heart remix with The Weeknd and Diplo. WAY better.

  • Heather @hungryforbalance February 24, 2016, 12:18 pm

    I definitely think that masculinity and femininity are on a continuum; we all have both but sometimes more of one than the other.
    I am wearing girly underwear and I think it’s the lace and bows that make it girly.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 4:27 pm

      Okay, you obvy have way cuter underwear than I do. I need to go shopping.

  • Lauren @ i had a big lunch February 24, 2016, 1:55 pm

    THERE ARE NO RULES! That’s what I want to scream at anyone who preaches anything to me. Anything. Such a funny post haha pleeeaaaaaasure

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 24, 2016, 4:26 pm

      I’m so glad you found pleasure in my painful post!

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets February 25, 2016, 3:58 am

    Rules are overrated. I say toss them, along with society’s judgment, out the window and do you instead.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 25, 2016, 7:34 am


  • Wendy Heath February 25, 2016, 12:42 pm

    Awesome post.

    It’s funny… I’m very curvy. I rock dresses. But my day to day uniform (outside of my actual work uniform, obviously) is t-shirt and jeans. I’m very outspoken, project myself as confident, and take-charge. All qualities very “masculine” tended…

    Yet, I paint my toenails, and have been known to read romance novels… but I hate to cry…

    I think we’re all blends, and different characteristics emerge under different circumstances.

    • suzy.suzyheather@gmail.com February 25, 2016, 5:55 pm

      Thanks Wendy! I totally agree with you about how we have different bits about ourselves that pop up, strengthen, retreat etc in different circumstances. Life would be so boring if we weren’t dynamic like that.

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