I almost published a Woozy Wednesday post but then I re-read it and got super bored, so I decided to put Rhianna’s “Work” on repeat as inspiration to hammer out something more exciting.
When I was single, a season of life that lasted about as long as a sneeze, I’d always say this thing whenever I started getting tipsy. A bunch of us would all be out at a pub or hanging out at someone’s house having drinks and sure enough, give me a couple glasses of wine and this is what would happen:
If I had a ponytail in, the elastic would come out and I’d gather up my hair and coral it over my left shoulder, twisting it around and around until I got to the end. And then? I’d turn whatever we were talking about into how pain and pleasure are on the same continuum. As a totally awkward social-phobe, this particular topic was a crowd pleaser, probably because of its whole sexual vibe.
Check out THIS bad boy from 2011. Sexayyyyyy!
So that’s what I’m doing right now. My hair is all wild and unruly, spilling down over my left side, and I’m making that statement where I say pain and pleasure are on the same continuum. It was always more dramatic in person though because I’d trace a circle in the air with my finger and say “pleasure” while I drag my finger down along the circumference of the faux sphere, look up in feigned surprise, state “pain!” while continuing the motion along the bottom, up the other side and back into “pleasure.” Ohhhhh… Ahhhh…
By the way, while we’re on it, I think femininity and masculinity are on two separate lines, so that we are neither one nor the other. I can have fully masculine qualities at the exact same time as I have fully feminine qualities; I don’t have to choose. Here’s an example: Have you ever met a guy and thought he was totally gay but then found out he is married to a woman and they have kids that look like the both of them and they grope each other under the table while you’re on a double dinner date? Guys can have a penis and huge biceps and they can crave vagina like Tiger but at the same time they can have an innate desire to scrapbook their baby’s first year of life, buy Vogue magazines and order dressing on the side. THERE ARE NO RULES. And if you’re going to start quoting Bible verses at me? Don’t. K? Or if you need to try and save me, take me to Milestones first. After all, pain and pleasure are on the same continuum.
Okay so, what do you think? Do you ever catch yourself saying “Whoa that guy is really feminine” or “That girl is super masculine”? And why do we think that a feminine male has gay tendencies? Why does being gay or lesbian have anything to do with anything?
You’re totally not going to answer those questions because they’re awkward. That’s okay. So answer this one instead:
If you’re a girl, are you wearing girly underwear? If so, what makes them girly?
HA HA. I tricked you.
Nobody is going to read this anymore.