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The Runs

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I have like, mayyyyybe five minutes to write this post because Andrew took Kylah, Ethan and Callum out to the park so that I could do some work for him, and Jason took Freddy and Katie out for dinner for his birthday and they’re going to be back any second to pack for their trip; they’re going away with Jason’s family for twelve days. I’ll miss them.


The first time I ever stayed behind while Jake, Freddy and Katie went with Jason on their family’s annual summer vacation was, I believe, in 2010. Actually, I think I went for a few days but it was probably pretty hard for everyone as Jason and I were separated. I drove home on my own while our kids stayed behind, enjoying the rest of their vacation with Jason and his amazing family.

I got back home to the empty house and well, I broke a little bit. All I had known day in and day out for the previous decade was the intricate details of my kids’ faces. The way they liked their meat cut up. How their elbows felt digging into my ribs when I held them as I read out the Skippyjon Jones books. Hearing Freddy’s voice telling me to make his macaroni extra cheesy. The way Katie’s white blanky smelled. Jake tugging on his shirt while he laughed uncle Jeremy’s laugh.

Most of those days without them were spent running. And running. And running more. And when I wasn’t running, I drank and I smoked cigarettes and weed and cried. I went to Wreck beach with my closest friends and walked out to the edge of the water with a hardened heart, crumpled into the power of the water and rose up to walk back to my towel with grace.

Some people say that when women become mothers, we lose our identity. But we don’t! We add to it. Divorce can take a chomp out of our (squishier) asses but nothing can separate us from love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of the worst possible thing you can imagine can separate us from love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from love. *

Not a roof, not drugs, not divorce, not twelve days.

*I kinda paraphrased a Bible verse. If you recognize it, then you probably also enjoy a good farmer sausage and the ability to convert casserole recipes from servings of 4 to 400. If you don’t recognize it and you feel annoyed that I’m inserting Bible verses in my post, well then take comfort in the fact that I eat bacon, I’ve masturbated and Andrew and I made a baby while he was still married to his ex wife. All good? Sweet.

Do you eat bacon?

Do you masturbate? Ha ha ha ha! I am so awesome.

Did you recognize the Bible verse? If so, do you like farmer sausage and can you easily convert a casserole for 4 into 400?

If you have kids, then go read them a Skippyjon Jones book!!!


I set my alarm for 5:45 so that I could get up and run with Lora. I got all dressed and ready, was just sitting at the table having my coffee when I heard Callum wake up. SHIT. Andrew hasn’t been feeling himself lately so I scooped Callum up from our bed and brought him downstairs so that Andrew could sleep in a bit.


Since I knew I couldn’t run, I packed Callum up and we went to Save On to get groceries for Katie’s birthday dinner. This was all done before 8 am!


We got home, I unloaded the groceries and then just as I was about to head out for a run, Andrew had to leave to put a lock box on a house about thirty minutes away, so I packed Callum into the stroller and went for a six mile run. He fell asleep. The fact that this kid fell asleep at 9 am tells me that he woke up WAY TOO EARLY this morning. His head ended up being a bit lopsided. Oopsie doodles! #sixthkid


I transferred him into our bed when we got home, quickly got changed and headed out to pick Jake up for his appointment. Without going into too much detail, things are really looking a lot better on the Jake front. He’s doing so much better, and I am extremely thankful for him, for the people that have surrounded him and us who care about him and for his future. He’s so loved.

After his appointment we picked up Katie and Freddy (they haven’t seen their brother in over a month) and we went to Starbucks. I had to sneak a photo of them because…teenagers.


Katie and I dropped Jake off and Freddy off and then we went to see the movie Finding Dora! It’s Katie’s 11th birthday today and so having girl time was such a gift.


My mom came over as soon as we got home from the movie. Callum loved playing trains with her and she was able to give Katie her birthday gift.


Katie has been through so much shit. This kid is the strongest eleven year-old I know. After-all, she has me for a mother!!


Andrew BBQ-ed steaks, we threw in some ceasar salad and garlic bread and had a feast. And, cupcakes.


Andrew drove Katie over to Jason’s to pick up some stuff and they scored some snacks. We are bad, very bad people.


It’s now 9pm and I’m sitting beside Katie while she scrolls through Netflix. We can hear Callum flipping around upstairs on our bed like a salmon on a line while Andrew scolds him for being…awake. I just heard Callum shout “boobies.” Now I can hear Andrew coming downstairs. Now Callum is shouting “big boobies.” Not here, chump. Not here. Not anymore.

I’m so tired. Lora and I have rescheduled our morning run for tomorrow so I plan on waking up at the ass crack of dawn and blowing this popsicle stand straight away so that I don’t get caught up in this whole “parenting” gig yet again. Like a good little wifey, I’ve poured my sexy husband a crown and coke and I myself am nursing a vodka and coke while I type this.

All shenanigans from this point on remain photogenically undocumented for legal purposes.

Have you ever been to court?

I went once to take care of a baby whose parents were stuck in court! It was extremely eye-opening and brain-stretching!

What’s your idea of a “good little wifey?”

Do you part your hair, and if so, which side?


Say it Baby, One More Time?

I’m not sure why, like what the actual physiological problem is but I have a hearing problem. So does my oldest son Jake; he legit reads lips. And my sister Tracey has an auditory processing problem and my mom has severe hearing impairment, and so do a couple of her brothers. It’s the worst when there’s background noise like a bathroom fan, or people talking loudly behind me in a restaurant. Then I do more lip reading than at a Britney Spears concert.


So basically, I can’t hear shit. Which quite honestly comes in handy (teenagers, yo).

But the loudest most clear voice that rings above all the others is my own, inside my head.  The one that says shit like, “Did you unload the dishwasher before you went to bed because if you didn’t then you’ll have to do it in the morning and that really sucks so maybe you should go downstairs and do it now and then you could grab a snack and a drink because you could really use a snack and a drink and while you’re down there how about writing a post on that thing that made you cry yesterday? and omg was that ever sad and do you think there’s a metaphor that you can apply to it that would somehow change people’s lives and why can’t you write well enough to save people’s lives? because Anne Lamott can, and she’s awesome but you’re not because you forgot to unload the dishwasher before you went to bed.”


When that happens? I have to REVERSE plug my ears: Playing music really fucking loud shushes the stupid ass voice in my brain so that I can bring to surface the things that will help me, not hinder me. Now mind you, the loud music is probably what scored me this hearing problem in the first place. But never you mind about that.

This is the latest song I’ve been reverse plugging my ears with:

This is an example of a song that does NOT reverse plug my ears (it stirs up the thinkers too much):

How much do you love listening to music? Can you listen to music while you write? Or do you have to be in dark and quiet room?

I can not write anything, even Andrew’s listing descriptions, without music in my ears!!!

Do you have a hearing problem? Do you know someone who does? Isn’t it SO FRUSTRATING?!

Do you have a song that you use to reverse plug your ears? What is it?



Mileage Monday

Not one single mile was done on the treadmill this week! GASP!!!

Monday– 5 stroller miles with the (little) big guy!

Tuesday– 15 miles with Lora because she is training for a 30km trail race so she needed to start doing some longer runs, and today was the only day that worked, and 7am was the only time we could do it, so we both woke up at 6, had some coffee and water and got it done! Slow pace, great conversation. My hip is a bit sore but that’s to be expected. Lots of stretching and foam rolling!

Wednesday– 6 early morning miles before anyone woke up!

Thursday– This time I did 8 miles, and when I came home nobody was awake yet so I took off to Walmart and got some milk and stuff. I like waking up early but by the time 10pm rolls around I am BAGGED. That’s the only problem.

Friday– First of all, I ran 10 miles with Lora at 7am. I think this is the most we’ve seen each other since 2010. And then in the evening I picked Katie up from camp but I got up there early and fit in an 8 miler. I needed it. I’ll have to tone it down now though, so I don’t go over 60 miles this week.


Saturday– 5 early miles. This getting up at 6 thing is pretty sweet just because I can get it over with so early. It was so hard stopping at 5 miles but I knew all I had left to work with was 3 miles so I didn’t go over 60 for the week. So I could have either done 8 miles and zero on Sunday, or split them up a bit.

Sunday: 3 measly little miles in the early morning sunrise. I was tempted to do 20 miles and then lie about it, but I knew I’d feel shitty about lying and then I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight, and I need sleep. So, I stopped at 3 to make 60 for the week. GOD HELP US ALL.


What’s one thing about yourself that is a bit assholey? Have you tried changing it? Do you even want to? What are the good things that come out of this assholery?


Body Swap Meet

After spending the day at the beach, Andrew and I plopped our sunburned bodies down onto the couch and turned on the TV to see the movie Pretty Woman just finishing up.


I love that movie, probably because I so relate to Vivienne (Julia Roberts).


No, not for the prostitution (although it’s not unheard of for me to bat my eyelashes for a back massage and a steak, medium rare, accompanied by a baked potato drowning in three cheese butter and chives) but for that feeling of being the social underdog. Andrew climbs out of bed looking like Daniel Craig, and I follow him to the bathroom looking like a swamp donkey. He’s charming, witty and sociable. I’m awkward, with really big teeth and huge hair.


I have accompanied Andrew to all of these fancy things like the Medallion awards and meeting clients and all sorts of social events that require heels and manners. It’s exhausting.


But I haven’t completely hated the whole idea, as you can see.


And from time to time, I may have rubbed off on him.


We really are a good match.

Side note: Did you know that Julia Roberts had a body double for a lot of these scenes? Do you know why? Because her legs were too skinny. So she had a body double that had BIGGER legs to stand in for the shots that didn’t involve her face. Crazy, right?

If you could have a body double, which part of your body would you pick?

I’d pick a body double for my feet, so I could trip her and do my own body double. Wait, what?

Do you relate more to Julia or Richard?




Selfie Check

Yesterday I woke up at 6 so that I could meet Lora at 7 to run 15 miles and then I woke up at 7 this morning to run 6 miles. It feels really great to get my run done so early but then I notice lately, especially with the cutback in miles, that I feel antsy later in the day and really feel like getting out for a run. As much as I wanted to head out again this afternoon, I reined it in and did other things instead.


I tried to take a picture of myself running and omg I feel so dorky. SO DORKY.

And this is what technology does to developing minds. Don’t do it. Well, unless you need a break from toddlers screaming the “F” word.


This is how mommies deal with toddlers and this ain’t no iced coffee.


I can’t even stand how much I love this man, and how much he loves our kids. This picture says it all.



I even trust him enough to cut my hair! He did a great job.


There. So I never would have been able to do all this if I went out and ran another 6 miles, right? Balance, right? YASSSS.

Do you ever cut your own hair, or let a family member do it? Or do you always go to a professional?

Does the humidity make your hair as big as mine?

Do you feel really dorky and awkward when you take selfies?



Hot Pants

Liar, liar, pants on fire…hanging from a telephone wire!

I googled this phrase and came up with a whole lot of nothing. Nobody knows where this phrase originated or precisely what it means and yet it’s one of the most popular sing-songs of the English language.

However, I doubt it takes much of a brainiac to interpret its meaning, given the vivid visual of the whole scene. How absolutely painful and humiliating it would be to have one’s pants on fire, hanging up high for all to see?

My dad’s pants were on fire. My dad is a recovering alcoholic (27 years sober) and recovering alcoholics have great difficulty telling the truth about anything. They lie just for the sake of being heard. Because they’re bored. Because they have shit to cover up, and then more shit to cover up the covered up shit, and so on. Part of the twelve step program requires self awareness and honesty, and so when my dad first went through that process he came clean (literally) about his life and in fact, the honesty was so freeing that it may have even become one of his new addictions.

Vern is a great story-teller. He’s SO entertaining. But back then he’d finish up his story, see us all in gales of laughter and then, because he was/is dedicated to his recovery, he’d go through the whole entire damn story again, pick out the parts that were embellished and confess the parts that were simply not true. At the end of it all, the story was disappointing, boring, and anorexic. But as the truth came out, my dad got better, and that’s all that mattered.


I love truth because it sets people free, and I love freedom. Where there is freedom, there is growth. Where there is growth there is love, and good food, and babies, and sunshine, and beaches and miracles and lilies and sex positions you’ve never been brave enough to try, and textures that squeak when you bite into them, and everything feels better. Everything tastes better.

Yesterday I posted the link to a podcast that I was in, and something about it bothered me. When I said that I qualified for the Commonwealth Games? That’s true. But I qualified as a substitute, not as one of the top three. And I didn’t leave that part out to be deceptive but I realized later that there is a big difference between a real qualification and a substitute. Nevertheless, it would have been an incredible experience! I didn’t go over to England because it was during our divorce and I had no money to go.

While we’re all telling the truth here, Callum just threw a fit because I wouldn’t let him use my phone for YouTube Thomas the Train videos so he yelled “FUCK” and then started spitting on the floor. I love the smell of gasoline and permanent marker, and this morning I woke up to Cadbury mini eggs melted all over my thighs and stuck to the bed sheets. I guess I ate them in the middle of the night when I woke up to get my way-too-old-to-drink-a-bottle toddler a bottle of milk. Waking up to brown matter stuck to my body is a bit alarming, but I am glad that the truth is chocolate-flavoured.

Tell the truth about something….

Have you ever eaten anything in the middle of the night and woken up to a bit of a mess?

Do you know any compulsive liars, and how do you handle them?



Week In Review

I skipped out on a few weeks of Week in Review, hosted by the fresh new mama Meghan from Clean Eats Fast Feets, but now I’m back.

Last week started out with a podcast interview with Denny which just aired today. Here is the link if you’d like to have a listen!

Suzy Slane Isn’t Afraid to Be Real About Running and Life

Katie and Ethan kept Callum entertained at the park:


Callum and I spent some much-overdue time with my friend Kristen and her baby girl:


But the highlight of the week was when Andrew and I went out for our first wedding anniversary (one year from when we got legally married). Andrew’s parents took Callum overnight and Andrew and I went into Vancouver for Theatre Sports (an improv show). We laughed, we snuggled, we ate crab, drank wine, and smooched the night away. I couldn’t find any G-rated photos.

The next day we packed up Callum and drove into Vancouver to walk the Seawall. We headed to Anton’s Pasta Bar for dinner, where there was the typical long line of people waiting to get in, running along the front of the restaurant. While we waited on the sidewalk, trying to keep Callum entertained and safe from the road, the man behind us in line dropped like a sack of bricks, hitting his head on the concrete. I called 911 while Andrew supported him on his side. I can’t believe that there were no nurses or doctors at all in the restaurant or in line! But the paramedics got there in record time, thank goodness.

FullSizeRender-510It was hard to regain our appetites after that. I just hope that guy is okay.

Have you ever had to call 911? About what? What happened?

Have you ever been to an Improv show?

Where do you go for dinner that has long lines? What’s the longest line you’ve waited in for food?



Mileage Monday

I’m still committed to my lower mileage! I hit 50 miles this week and I managed my stress by reading a book (I’m loving Outlander!!!) and deep breathing (Don’t laugh! It works! I breathe in while counting to 4 and breathe out while counting to 4). I feel SO MUCH MORE BALANCED. You have no idea. What a relief! My body feels like it’s exhaling after being driven into the ground for so long.

Monday– 4 miles in the morning while I pushed Callum in the stroller and then 5 more slow ones while he napped.


Tuesday– 6 miles outside. Just taking it nice and slow!

Wednesday– Snuck out for a warm 8 miler while Callum napped (and the rest of the kids were at home). This is the best I’ve felt in a very long time! It’s coming back!

Thursday– 10 miles in the really early morning. SO SLOW.

Friday– 6 miles at 6am. BLECH.

Saturday– 6 treadmill interval miles while I listened to metal.

Sunday– This one hurt a little. Andrew’s parents had Callum overnight last night so that we could go out for our anniversary and so I got this run done before I went over and picked him up. Ooof.


Have you read Outlander?

What kind of underwear are you wearing right now?




So here I was just scrolling through Instagram and I came across a post by a woman I know very well and have known for a very long time. She’s gorgeous, she’s hilarious and kind, and a brilliant artist. She posted a picture of her kids playing on a beach and captioned it, “Another perfect day in the books.”

I wish you could see my face right now.

Do you know what my summer days look like? I brought in Freddy’s backpack from the garage, dumped the contents onto the kitchen table and a clump of maggots came out with it. Then I had to dig a constipated poop out of Callum’s rear end with my petroleum jellied baby finger, the poor boy, so that he’d quit writhing in pain. I hung out with my drug-using eldest son today for 20 minutes, the longest I’ve seen him since the day before my marathon on June 17th. I’ve scraped the side of my van up against the gates of our complex (and got it buffed out, THANK GOD), and cried myself to sleep too many times to count.

But, I got to dump Freddy’s backpack out, because I have a Freddy. I dug a poo out, because I have a Callum. I hung out with my drug-using son because he asked for me, and so I have a Jake. And I cried myself to sleep too many times to count because I care.

Love is here, if we just let it in. And that’s another perfect day in the books.


Do you like our new lantern? I hung it in our family room!

I don’t think it will last long.